I received my diagnosis of MS from my neurologist...he said he is certain I have it but would like to do the spinal and an MRI of my complete spine. I gave the news to my family. My husband and 3 boys are handling it well. My 18 yr. old daughter, on the other hand, told me she won't waste her emotions on me (we've had some issues in the past due to my health) and she feels I'm just lazy. How do I get her to understand that this is not something that I could've prevented and it's not something I'm using to "not do things around the house?". We just moved into a rental because we lost our home and the new house is a two story (funny, huh?) and I need her help with vaccuuming and mopping. Would you recommend I take her to my neurologist to talk to him? ANY advise is welcomed!
- Resources
Wendy,
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but.....welcome to the Club. :)
No matter what you say, your daughter will still never be able to understand what it is like for you to live with MS. And at 18, she probably has her focus in other areas. Good thing, though, you do not sound afraid to discuss MS with the family. Keep talking, keep the lines of communication open, kids listen even when they don't seem to be listening. Your daughter could secretly be afraid for you. Hang in there.
it wouldn't hurt-but i'd be willing to bet that she has her head up her butt and won't listen.but we can hope something gets through-teenagers are tough.-give her all the literature. as for the cleaning--as hard as i tried i never could find that littl house cleaning fairy that does it all while i sleep--it'll all still be there tomorrow-so learn to let it go--my bro has a great idea on a clean house--turn down the lights and take off your glasses--it looks just fine. djax59
your daughter wouldn't know anything about ms all you can do is keep dropping tid-bits of info--she'll roll her eyes and if you don't kil her first she just might have an aha moment someday. don't worry about it--keep yourself up and going--if you don't take care of yourself there won't be anything left of you to take care of anybody else
Wendy, so sorry that you have to join our club, but Welcome. Your dauugther understands, this is her way of handling the unknown, just be patient. Do not push the MS issue, hey you know what I do and I do it well, "if it does not get in my way, don't let it get in yours" If you want to sit down move it over and sit, if you want to drink out of it, make sure that it is paper, hey they now come in all beautiful colors, forks and spoons, plates also, now only if they made throw away pots. It aint so bad, this is gross, as for the bladder issues, ladies underwear is cheap, mess them up, throw them away, buy a new pack, I do! Learn to laugh at yourself, you will feel better, life is too short to be angry, or worry. She will come around, it has to sink in, and she has to mature and grow up. It will happen when you least expect it! sherry/smomdukes
You already have some good answers, but I'll chime in anyway.
I did take my teenger to the neurologist. The doctor went through the usual gamet of tests with David watching closely over his shoulder. He was most impressed when my eyes jumped while following the moving finger. Not exactly what I had in mind, but he did understand that it is beyond my control.
Good luck. It sounds as if you are relaxing now and that is good.
Thank you for the advice. I talked to my daughter this morning and asked her to please go online and learn what MS is and how it will affect me. Her response was not what I'd hoped for. She told me that between myself and my sister asking her to "bone-up" on MS, she's tired of being nagged and said that only makes her not want to learn about it.
Are all teenagers like this? Even without MS? She's my oldest and I have a son who is 13 and twin boys that will be 12 in Dec. I'm sure they might have some issues later on, but God willing, not like my daughter!
Lisa mentioned your daughter may be afraid of MS. She doesn't want to think about her mother being ill, and she doesn't want to get it herself — both pretty frightening.
To answer your question more directly, many teenagers are like that. Remember when you were a kid? It was hard to empathize with other people.
As far as learning about MS, there are so many people — adults, even friends and family — who just don't "get it," even when they try to learn about it.
I think your daughter hears you, but it won't sink in yet. My teenagers are both very understanding now, but they are in their 30s with children of their own. It will happen. I don't know how to rush it. I do believe we cannot push them to it. They can be very hard-headed. I probably was.
Wendy, I was talking to my husband about you situation tonight. We both agreed that we would not say anything else to her about MS, I would not let it come up in any conversation that you and her had. But I would be very nice, continue to have a wonderful mother daugther relationship, love her with that unconditional love, be there for her. Really and truly she understands, I just believe that deep down in my heart this is her defense mechanism. Leave it alone, she loves you, but at her age and life timing it is hard. Things will work out. It looks bad now, but who said life was easy. I do not know your belief factor, but my dad always tells me," Trust in the Lord with all, thine heart, and lean not to thine own understanding." Take care.
sherry/smomdukes
Proverbs 3:5. Thank you! Being that this is so new to me, I guess I'm feeling lonely. I don't want to do this alone. My husband has yet to read up on MS as well. I'm going to pull back from both my daughter and my husband. I'll lean on the Lord, my friends, extended family and this website! I'm so glad I found you guys!!!
Just "Stand" Wendy, remember that you are not the only one suffering. They feel that they are going to lose the person that they depend on the most....they are lost, how do they deal? Look at it from their side of the coin, so many times we do not. But just step back, continue on as best and as long as you can. Like my dad always has said, "When you have done your best, let Jesus do the rest". Take care, and smile.
sherry/smomdukes
Thank you for all the encouragement! Like I said, I feel blessed to have found this website. It can be an outlet for me so I don't have to unload on my family. I'm sure this will be a learning process for me as well as them. When I woke up this morning I felt better than I have this past week.
My neurologist and I haven't even discussed the treatment plan yet, so I'm sure there will be so many more bridges to cross. No point in freaking out about now!
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I don't know you but I love you! After I posted the message I went into her room and woke her up so we could talk. I realized that she has NO CLUE what MS is. As much as she's on the internet and she can't read up on this!!! Anyway, she knows now and all I can do is put my foot down and be consistent with her, give her NO ROOM to slack off. She is 18 so it's my way or the highway!
Thank you so much for the uplifting message!