A couple weeks ago,a paramedic characterized me as "end stage MS", which sent me here, courtesy of Google. I started showing signs of MS when I was 23, was diagnosed at 26, and that was 30 years ago. I have been catheterized for nearly 20 years, have a baclofen pump, a mediport, and the last year of feeding tube. I have lost all voluntary function below the neck, except breathing. I did aspirate last spring, but thank God I was able to get off the respirator after a month so I am currently dictating this letter using Dragon Naturally Speaking. I expect to lose my voice and my senses in the next few years, although dying of an infection would be kinder as that isolation reminds me of a very depressing short story. For some reason, psychologists and chaplains seem to think I am still cheerful and sane. The only near family. I have are my sister and my niece, so I suppose part of it is putting on a good face for them and to giving them some illusion of moral support. I do take some consolation in my Christian faith. I have never expected God to spare me or cure me, but he did promise that if I had faith I would have a not unpleasant existence after death. This is how I have always explained it to my atheist friends: I decided in my teens that if this life is all there was, there was little purpose in life and less in morality, which I found uncomfortable. I studied Physics at University and noticed that the more we knew about the universe we might be getting closer to answering "how?", but no closer to answering the question "why?". God seemed as likely an answer as any. I looked around for God and Protestant Christianity seemed to make the most sense to me. Besides, having put my faith in the Lord, I can anticipate an eternity with most of my family and many other good people. That ain't too bad.