Tuesday, October 28, 2008 CBC1976 asks

Q: My friend is diagnosed with PPMS and is in denial about his situation.

My friend was diagnosed in January and has had a rapid decline. He is in denial about his situation and is not willing to educate or advocate for himself. He says things like "I'll put a bullet in my brain before I use a walker." He drives his car although he is not physically able to do so.

In addition his cognitive functioning has declined rapidly and he is aware but unwilling to deal with it. He is co-owner of a business and is unknowingly sabotaging the business by drawing money off of their business account. He seems to be unaware of the reality of the situation in that, his business is paying his medical insurance and being a small business, cannot continue to afford to pay him a salary when he is unable to work. No one thinks he is doing this intentionally, we just think that he is not aware of the situation that has previously been brought to his attention.

We are all concerned about his ability to function in this capacity and don't know what to do. Do people have interventions for people with MS who aren't willing to help themselves? He is unmarried and has no one really close to him, other than friends, that want to help. What other course of action can be taken to help someone admit and deal with the life changing course that PPMS takes???

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Answers (2)

Merely Me, Health Guide

10/28/08 6:21pm

Hey there

You are a good friend. I can tell that you are very worried about your friend. It must be quite difficult to watch as he declines before your very eyes and you probably are feeling a bit powerless as to what to do.

This is a tough situation no doubt about it.

Has he been officially diagnosed with PPMS? If it has been since January then he has had to get used to this life changing news in a matter of months. That sometimes is too short a time to fully accept something like this. I always go back to this...if this were you in this situation...how would you wish to be helped?

There are two separate issues here...one being that you think your friend is in denial...this is the psychological part of things. And then there is the issues which you present of how his impairments may be affecting his day to day life.

Do you think he would want to talk with people who have MS themselves. Would this help?

I am going to give you two very good resources for either you or he to call.

One is a site where you can call and get in touch with people who have MS...who have been there and done that. It is called MS Friends and here is their telephone number: 1-866-673-7436 It is toll free and you can call any time.

The other site is the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. I had received tons of information and support from them when I was first diagnosed. And here is their number: 1-800-344-4867

And it goes without saying that you can send your friend to this site on Health Central to read the information here or to write to one of us.

I have this gut feeling though, that if he is having trouble dealing with his diagnosis that he may not even be ready to look at a web site.

Have you or any others just sat down with him and told him your concerns straight up? Say, "Hey I am worried about you and here is why." And spell it all out but without coming across as that you are telling him what to do. You have to allow a person their pride and self determination. It is his life to do with as he chooses. Another important point is that you can't come across as judgemental or he won't listen to you. You can tell him that you will be there for him. You can provide education or the resources. You can accept him and let him talk and vent.

I have a feeling this will take some time. Be patient. Hang in there and tell us how it goes.

JohnCE

12/29/08 2:22am

This is a very hard thing to do. Being strong willed in your healthy part of your life, then going downhill all of a sudden is beyond words. If he is not able to drive a car to a degree, most doctors will inform DOT as to this, some but not all. One would not want him to hurt others doing such. I also started down the same route as him, on mine. Mine was viral related and started off secondary progressive. I set on the back step, was going to do as he said, and after 15 minutes started crying very hard, pistol loaded and cocked under my chin. I then remembered my religion, that it is not your life to take, your life is a gift of GOD. We do not know the reason why these things happens, or that thousands of children dies from hunger every day, it is beyond our understanding. I know that there is a higher power out there, and that suffering is part of life. When mine happened, I had just bought a new Maxima, a new Ford XLT fully loaded and a new larger replacement for my ocean going boat. My new boat set out besides my house for almost 2 years before I came to terms with it. I sold my XLT and boat and purchased a Van and converted it to handicapped, just in case. Left leg is totally gone so have to use hand controls for braking and such. He is lucky to have a friend like you, many of my "fair weather friends" just started migrating away. One can usually count their REAL friends on their faingers. Let him know that, if he hurts hisself he hurts the others around him also. Get rid of things he can hurt himself with. Best thing to do is to tell him that you are in it alone. I know exactly what he is going through, the heavy price of this condition since I was in denial also and facing the fact was extremely hard. Hang in there, make sure he has alot of company and he will vent, that is part of the process when you go down quickly, you ask, why me. Keep the faith, get him involved in other hings to help keep his mind off the subject. Most of all, be their for him. God Be With You Both...John

Q: My friend is diagnosed with PPMS and is in denial about his situation.

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