When health is the issue - you don't have the luxury of "not succeeding.'  it has to be your focus and your goal - so this is no longer about looks or self esteem - this is about your life and the quality of your life.  Based on your history - you should be entitled to some visits with an RD - who can help you to create a satisfying, balanced diet with the goal of not exceeding 1500 mgs of salt daily (possibly even lower) and if your foods are predominantly fresh veggies and fruits, fat free organic dairy, certain fish, beans (that you rinse if they are canned), egg whites, small servings of raw nuts and a few small servings of whole grain/high fiber carbohydrates (read labels - those have salt) plus a few servings of healthy fat ( a little olive oil, a small serving of avocado). Your also going to have to start an exercise program - again, because you need it to help you reduce your weight so you do not compromise the quality of your life.  You can join a gym, buy workout DVDs or start walking daily.   You need to be consistent with your new habits - so make them doable - not extreme and find a support group or buddy.   You lost the luxury of vascillating - now you need to make lifestyle changes to save your life.  Let that knowledge spur you into action immediately.