Just trying hard to live with these disorders. I really have no one who really understands what goes on inside me. I know most of my triggers by now. It's hard to avoid them. I find there is a lot of hate in this world. Especially in schools with bullying. An episode at my daughter's school set off my manic attack. I had a lot of abuse growing up and throughout my life. Maybe knowing then that I was bipolar would have saved me some anguish and mistakes.

Finally realizing after coming to the states for treatment that I had to leave my situation was a hard hard choice but, there was no help from my family there. We became like enemies and they didn't understand or could not help me with love instead I got disgust, hatred, verbal abuse, isolation. I had to take care of me, because my soul was dying. Of, course it was all my fault when things ended and I caused it all. I am now away from those triggers. I still have ups and downs but, I am so so much better. I try not to dwell upon it or the negatives. If I get down I do something, read, watch TV get out and walk, whatever. I don't talk to them anymore because it was still all my fault over the internet also. You can't beat a dead situation.

It was a hard way to lose the weight. That is one thing I am glad happened. Invega for me was the worst med in this world. I was a zombie, couldn't do a thing. The rest was very much my family attacking me. Guess what God had his hand on me and didn't let go. I will rely on him for the rest of my life.

My website:http://bipolar1forever.wordpress.com