I've been sickly since birth. Unfortunately I was labeled a hysteric and a hypochondriac ... and my symptoms summarily dismissed. Growing up was a nightmare of fear, pain and confusion. I suffered from chronic low blood sugar, anemia, and diarrhea, rapid and irregular heart beat, hemorrhagic menstrual periods, chronic joint pain, broken bones, rashes, hives, vertigo, fainting spells ... and more.

I'd often get sick after meals. As a child, I can remember having to run into the IHOP lady's room to up chuck ... EVERY time I ate pancakes. My mom told me "I was making myself sick". She said I was eating too fast ... too slow ... too much ... too little ... too whatever else she could come up with to blame my being sick on.

When I became so sick that I either fainted or developed severe tachycardia ... my mom would rush me to the hospital ... and then tell the doctor I was having a panic attack. No one EVER checked me out, did an EKG, checked my blood sugar ... or performed a single test. I was simply pumped full of tranquilizers and antacid ... and sent back home ... until the next episode.

But sick I was ... so sick I actually missed 30 days of grade school in a single year ... so sick I nearly died of dehydration and electrolyte imbalance ... so sick I lost the hearing in my left ear.

By age 17 I was taking between 30 - 55mg per day of Valium ... way more than the 5mg per day dose prescribed by my doctor. Valium was my mom's best friend, and she had literally hundreds of pills on hand. Prescriptions for herself, my dad AND me. I spent most of junior and senior high in a Valium induced haze.

At age 17, after a failed suicide attempt, I refused to be medicated further and decided to go off Valium cold turkey. I descended into a chaotic hell which took almost a year to climb out of. My mom was constantly trying to get me to go back on my meds. How I survived that bleak period, I'll never know.

I haven't the words to describe what it feels like to be sick, severely ill, only to have everyone you know and love believe AND TELL YOU what you're feeling is all in your head. I spent countless nights up pacing the floor, heart racing, diarrhea, the shakes, faint, terrified, waiting to die ALONE. I was judged lazy, weak, stupid, needy and manipulative. The inference being that I was playing sick for attention, to get out of doing things, and to control people. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Once you're labeled with any sort of mental illness it's difficult to have any sort of physical symptoms taken seriously. Eventually almost every symptom I experienced was seen as proof of mental illness! And the fact that they didn't go away ... only served to reinforce everyone's image of me as a hysteric, hypochondriac and malingerer. I was caught in a cycle of despair, illness and fear ... from which I very nearly died.

I developed a mind-over-matter work-o-holic attitude. On days I felt healthy, I'd give 1000% effort to any project I was on, working day and night until it was finished. On days I was ill I'd work until I collapsed. I put myself through school, three different times, earned diplomas, certificates and awards. My illustrations, graphics, stories, music and photographs have been published internationally and have garnered many awards. I kept getting sicker and sicker and sicker. I ended up hospitalized more times than I can count.

Over the next 30 or so years I started learning the physical causes for my symptoms. I learned I had low blood sugar. Changed my diet and stopped fainting! Amazing. I learned I had allergies. At age 45 I learned I had Celiac disease. Stopped eating gluten and a lifetime of chronic diarrhea ended ... even more amazing! More tests, but some doctors still thought of me as a nut case.

In 2003, I became so weak I could barely walk, and fainted or fell almost every time I stood up. My heart rate was erratic and alternated between too slow and too fast. Eventually I learned I suffer from a rare autoimmune disorder.

So here I sit, in front of this huge mountain called life ... trying to figure out who and what I can be. I don't want to defined by illness or to die inch by inch, I want to fly above all this and live. There's so much I want to see and be. I take things one day, one step, at a time. I'm out with my walker or cane, every day. I take dozens of photos, write music, and dream.