Thursday, May 31, 2012
findsunshine
  • findsunshine
  • Location: IA, United States
  • Gender: Female
  • Birthday:
  • Bio: unhappily married w/no children. unsettled & unhappy
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HEALTH INTERESTS:

anxiety, stress, generalized, depression, pain, social security disability

DRUGS I AM TAKING:

klonopin, abilify, wellbutrinSR, cymbalta, dexedrine, methadone

ABOUT ME:

I've had anxiety and depression as early as I can remember. I also have chronic major depression/recurrent, ADD, generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar tendencies, possible personality disorder and chronic moderate to severe stutter since age 8. I also have chronic pain from osteoarthritis, stenosis, several herniated disks in low back and neck, FMS. This is the reason for the methadone which I plan on weaning off of as of next appt. w/ reumatologist. I have always worked and as early as 13 detassling corn the old fashion way (walking)., I then took nurse aide and oral medication tech. classes in my senior yr. of H.S. and worked this at several nursing homes and until age 21 when I was hired at a aviation company in the factory. I left work in 8/'98 due to my increased mental issues and pain. I received social security disability a few yrs. later but a unfair/biased judge reopened my case w/in months and decided me "not disabled" so my benefits were taken and my case is now before the U.S. supreme court. My case is known to many as rare and very unfair. It's taken a toll on my well-being. I have no children due to my inability to manage my life without my psych. medications & fear of my child living with my stutter or worse, their own!!! I am finding it hard at my age to feel a purpose. I have been tried on all antidepressants except MAOI's. I had ECT's in '99 but could only handle 3 since I was abruptly taken off my klonopin. I don't respond to medication's but am getting closer to finding the right combination after 28 yrs. My body pain and issues are of genetic means in combination with poor body mechanics when bodybuilding as a teen and no ergonomic's used when working in nursing homes. Also, a fall to my back creating a broken collarbone, and 2 other accidents resulting in hospitilization. I may sound to you as being quite morbid in describing my issues but I wanted to touch alittle on them all since they could be related and have been medically documented. I can't seem to find that purpose for starting my days and I tend to avoid people and activities. It's too much work to get through the days. A poor marriage and serious money problems have taken their toll. I do have 2 cats as I've always had a deep compassion for animals and do volunteer work for several shelters and causes I strongly believe in. I have many friends and do have parents and 2 sister's but my family tend to patronize and tip toe around my ill feelings and this makes me uncomfortable and alittle angry. I like the quiet outdoors, flower gardening & drying, crossword's, reading, and LAUGHING.

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Living With It in Anxiety

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