i never knew i ever had any kind of mental illness until i was in my mid 40's, after going thru some horrific and sad experiences which led me to see a psychiatric doctor. after years of being in the worst place possible (county mental health services) i finally got disability and medicade and was able to get a decent doctor who knew so much more and cared much more for her patients with sincerity, and therapy did i begin to improve. it's not been the easiest road for me, been thru i guess 25 different medications, some terrible therapists and doctors and this has been going on for eight years now. not until very recently did i get properly diagnosed, and i have multiple mental health issues. i honestly think i appear pretty normal to everyone else. but as you know we all become experts at hiding our true feelings and pushing bad things down deep. for the first time i think there is a little light at the end of the tunnel now. i unexpectly found this website today and i hope i will be able to use it and talk to others who have been thur these same feelings and mabe find some better ways to get thru this life. i'm looking forward to really being happy again instead of pretending to br happy.