is swings and roundabouts
Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Bio: I love knowledge, music, cooking, gardening and animals
bipolar disorder treatment, mental health, generally most things medical/alternative therapies; Yoga
DRUGS I AM TAKING:
Currently none. But previously, Seroquel, Lexapro, Paxam, Lithium, Cymbalta, Epilim, Tegretol, and Seroquel XR - though not all at the same time.
I finally sought help in 2006. Initially I was diagnosed with major depression, but as time elapsed and I accepted my situation more, that turned one of Bipolar I. Since then I have taken so many drugs, most of which I could not tolerate (I have that CP450 anomaly). The medications were not helping me and after having been on a new version of Seroquel (SR), I was positively off the planet and could not stop thinking and planning my suicide. I really felt like I was going totally insane. Suffice to say I took myself off everything. I had to do something.
Since then which has been about 3 months I guess (I lose track of time terribly), I am really falling apart. I am trapped in a whirlpool constantly spinning, and me trying desperately not to be sucked down. My grip is not very strong, and my emotional state is so chaotic I don't know what is going to happen next. I scare myself. I don't want this existence, it is hell, and no-one is there for me. Nobody sees the pain I am in. Every day it becomes that much harder to find the appropriate mask to put on. I am a good actor, but even my masks are starting to fall off. I don't want to end up in hospital, but I fear I am heading that way regardless. I'm so sick of myself.
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