Right now I feel like crawling into a tight circle and rocking back and forth with a blanket over me. I can't detach myself from the emotions around me and I'm filled with a tornado of guilt, worry, fear, anger, frustration, sadness, mental destruction and lashing out. But nothing comes out. So I sleep and sleep and hide and pretend everything is... Read more
Being in an unhealthy marriage is, well, unhealthy. I've known for some time that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship, but it is insidious and we are completely codependent, making it very hard to do anything about it. The fear I feel when he goes into one of his "pity me" modes is real. He has never struck me and I don't believe he ever... Read more
There are some days when I'd really like to cry. But I can't. I don't have the capacity. I feel the need and I want to, but it just won't happen. I can only blame the meds. It's sad to miss out on expressing sadness, and conversely happiness. So much of my life has been spent so high and so low that I'm now so carefully stabilized that I don't... Read more
So I thought it was gone. The depression. I thought I had finally kicked it. But it's like sin. You can never let yourself get so cocky that you think you have conquered it. Sin is pervasive and so is depression. One simple pill too few and the tears come roaring down again. This is hard. I'm exhausted and the pdoc's assistant believes... Read more
It's been about a week and a half since I hit the butt-end of my recent mania. I miss it. I had nearly cleaned up my office and parts of my house and now I look at them with confusion. I couldn't begin to know where to start. I have bags of items to donate and I'm worrying about what might be in those bags and whether or not I should... Read more
