A smile is the key to your survival

Mr. R. Kerrigan... well, I went about it like you... not taking anytype of physical, etc in about 3 years... suddenly I was hurting all over my back side... ribs, spine, left hip, left leg & knee.. and my shoulders killed me.. I was spending more time in bed than in doing something constructively...  after losing almost 55-lbs of body weight.. wifey said she had enough and I needed to go to the doctors... well, the doctor did the usual blood test, etc...  and then called me back in about 3-days to get into his office.. he told me that the blood PSA scale only went up to 145-147.. and I pegged it.. so it had to be higher... he then sent me to this urologist... "a great, honest, open, doctor"... who had another blood PSA done.. this time he told the lab to run it up against the top of the scale, dilute it, then run it up again... etc etc etc... well, he called me in to his office about 5-days later... he showed me the lab paperwork and informed me HE had NEVER seen a PSA this high... emmmm it read "2,082" yes, this is correct... he even gave me a copy of the paperwork to take home... well.. He stated that by my bone scan and two cat scans.. the extent of my Advanced Prostate Cancer had caused Advanced Prostate Cancer Metastasis Bone Cancer.... and their were so many tumors inside of me that Chemo was not even in the picture at this time... as the tumors were in my left pelvic area, left hip, entire spine (there is a cluster of tumors near my right shoulder blade).. over all ribs, etc etc etc...also, a small tumor on my left kidney...  so, my treatment... Leuprolide Acetate "better known as Lupron"... since I began the injections "first injection was for only one month... the second was a 4-month injection"... I have gained 35-lbs, can move around with only a medium amount of pain... have mowed my yard, washed my cars and motorcycle..  I have done all I can do without being in bed for 1--2 days hurting like the devil.... as the flashing of the bone tumors has me on my knees sometimes... BUT, my smile has never left my silly face...!!  Yes, like you, I cannot tolerate the cold anylonger.. and the hot flashes keeps my pillow wet with sweat....  well, have to give up some things to live... and I have lots to live for..  " R " best to you.. and any and everyone out there with our problem..

Brian... now from NC.. originally from Texas!

Hey Brian

I thought I had bragging rights with a PSA of 50 + but **** you smoked me big time. After the biopsy and PSA they gave me a Gleason score of "9" out of "10". That really made me feel warm and fuzzy. Whoof..!! I dodged that..!! I'm not a "10"...lol

I appreciate where you are at and I wish you all the best. I love your attitude. All the best to you and your family.

Best Regards...eh.!

Robert 

Hello Robert...    well, my urologist informed me (after getting a true PSA reading)... that there was NO reason for me to have a biopsy on my prostate, as there was No doubt in his mind that I had advanced prostate cancer... as my doctor stated to me.... "No biopsy, this will save you $600--700 dollars... and leave you more money to pay the hospital and me..." heh heh   See, I am not insured... been retired many, many years... and never thought much about health insurance as I hadnt been sick in over 18-yrs... I mean, not even a common cold...   Now, wifey has insurance, as she is alot younger and works...  so, everything I do is "self pay" and I've already dug into our savings to the tune of $12K plus....  when my doctor informed me that I honestly didnt need a biopsy with my PSA being over 2000... and the fact that my bone scan and both cat scans, plus x-rays told the doctor what he needed to know...  yep, he has 3-pages of the bone tumors inside of me and their location...   well, what can I say...  ignorance on my part, OR.. just not wanting to know the truth about my health situation almost cost me my life.

Take care Robert... and best of luck.. 

Brian

Hi Brian

I guess we have the luxury of emailing in the middle of a Friday afternoon when most others are working. Too bad for them that have to work..haha

I was surprised when you commented on your med costs being only about 12 G's. I asked my specialist what he thought my whole program and follow up actually cost. He didn't have hard numbers but estimated it at 200 to 250 G's. Ouch..!! If I wasn't on Medicare in Canada, I'd be screwed.

I know our system isn't great. It gets abused and waiting times are often far more than people can tolerate. There are those that will go in with a hang-nail and expect a specialist to look after them. On the other hand, everyone is on an even playing field, rich or poor, and if you can handle the wait, no one gets wiped out on medical expenses. I guess that's a good thing.

Cheers

Robert

too young for medicare... But, am a military vet... "BUT" never signed up at the local VA Hospital in Asheville, NC... so that was out...  my cost so far have been two doctors, hospital, bone scan, cat scans & x-rays...  the hospital & doctors only charge 1/2 price IF you pay up front and dont do the "the check's in the mail" bit...  also my urologist has contacted the manufactor of "Leuprolide Acetate for depot suspension".. and asked them to "give me a break"... as he and everyone else is...  so, received a letter from this company informing me that my Lupron injections are NO CHARGE for the next two years, or until Medicare kicks in... plus my urologist only charges me $11.00 per office visit... not the usual $327.00..

sooooo.... the cost of my tests, etc etc so far is only a bit over $12K...  even though I've had my illness for many, many months... I refused to go to the doctors, so.. wasnt diagnosed until July 30th of this year with my cancers...  I have two sons that I raised by myself (single parent) for over 12-yrs... and have two young grandsons...  my wife of the past 18-yrs has ONE "bad seed son"...  she cares and frets over my sons and grandsons like they were her own... so I am extremely happy on this count.. and from what I've read and understand.. Prostate Cancer is hereditary...  I have been told to inform my sons to get check-ups EARLY...   my sons are 31 & 30...  see, Robert... I have lots to worry about and a lot to live for....   Brian

Robert... I also read where you stated that you would only have to take the Lupron Injections for 3-yrs "IF" you decided on taking them.... well.. my urologist informed me that I would be taking the Lupron injections for the REST OF MY LIFE!....    

I was reading up on some studies on Advanced Prostate Cancer (that has spread, ie: prostate metastatic bone cancer, etc etc)... and it stated that NO matter what treatment you went for... surgery, chemo, seeds, hormonal injections... that the average life span is 5-yrs after diagnosis...  my wife went bonkers and talked to MY urologist who informed her that NEW studies state the average life span is 10-yrs...  I just told my wife that instead of crying, we needed to celebrate the fact that I may live another 5-yrs.... hahahaha...  well.. I do laugh a lot... too old to cry and whine, and wifey did laugh along with me....

OK... my email address is

texasorphan2@aol.com  if you want to just chat and laugh...    Brian

Hey Brian

You beat me to this response, but I totally appreciate your thoughts.

I'm not a religious person, at all, so I don't preach to anyone on thumping a book of any nature. I am a bit on the spiritual side, in the sence that I don't think we are just meat, but I don't care if anyone else is interested or not.

A book I'd like to recommend to you for reading is called "The Power of Now". It's all about being in this moment and loving and appreciating the moment you are in, right now. It's not a panacea but it helped me a lot.

Again

Cheers

Rob  

Aaaah Brian

Aren't kids great..!!

I have a wonderful son (28) and a sweatheart of a daughter (25). My son works as an assistant to a federal cabinet minister and my daughter, thru deligent nepotism, works for the company I'm about to retire from, and they love her without me pushing any buttons. What more can you ask for?

Since we are flipping back and forth here, I'll let you know who I am, in a Reader's Digest form. I'm 61, and a Structural Engineer, working for a heavy industrial consulting engineering firm in Toronto.

They have been very good to me, insurance wise, med leave wise, benefits wise, pension wise and whatever other measure you could put out there. I love this company and have no regrets whatsoever. The company is Hatch and they are the greatest.

I'm a Structural Engineer but I haven't designed a beam in 25 years. They can't afford to have me cranking out beams. I've been in project management all this time, although I haven't quite figured whether that was a step up or a step down..lol

This whole prostate cancer thing has me in a bit of a quandary. I know you said you have been retired for a number of years but for me it's only been months, even though, for me, it's still a med leave. I find it a bit difficult not having the input or contact with people I used to deal with. On the other hand, dragging my butt out of bed at 8:30 or 9:00 is not a bad feeling..lol, but I'd prefer if it wasn't due to lack of sleep.

Anyway, it's been great chatting with you, and I guess the rest of the universe.

Cheers

Robert

Yes, kids and grandkids are the future... my oldest son is an Electrical Engineer, living in El Dorado, Arkansas... with my two grandsons.. ages 9 & 6...   my youngest is a P.A. (Physicans Assistant) in my hometown of Beaumont, Texas.  Me, I'm retired from the Houston Police Department (28 yrs), and with my two college degrees "BS Criminal Justice" & "Masters -- Criminology"... have since worked for a local hospital here in Hendersonville, NC (near Asheville).. and taught Criminal Justice @ the local Community College..  I am 62-yrs of age, will be turning 63 next month... my wife of almost 18 yrs, turned 40 this past May, and is a Licensed Vet Tech... working for a Vets office near our mountain home. She being an animal lover has accrued

9-dogs, 2-cats, and 4-horses... which I help care for.... our home has 14-acres, and last summer, I soley built a 2.5 acre pasture... all the wooden fencing & one side is electrical (down the driveway)... I was beginning to fence in the remaining 4.5 acres (on the opposite side of the driveway).. when I began to have problems with my lower back, left hip, leg and knee.... suddenly I began to lose weight... as food I loved began to make me sick & not interest me.  I spent more time in bed than I did doing the things I loved... bushhogging the pasture, caring for her horses, dogs, and riding my motorcycle, driving my older muscle cars.... which I have two...  a 1968 Olds 442 & 1969 Chev Camaro SS350... both restored. I knew something was terribly wrong with me but was afraid to find out, and ignorant of the outcome of not going to the doctors.  My father was an American GI during WW2, stationed in Cardiff, South Wales, Gt. Britain... when he married my mother... my sister was 5-yrs old & I was almost 2-yrs of age... we came to America in late 1947...  Pop's side of the family (which he is only my step-father).. has heart problems, high blood pressure, and diabetes... which I have none of (as my older half-brother has all the above, same with my two step-brothers)... there is no Prostate problems there... so, guess it was from my bio-father, whom I have never met & my mother never would talk about (in Cardiff).... both my mother & stepfather are deceased... and my halfbrother, sister, and stepbrothers do not associate as I have always been the black sheep of the family....  also, everyone lives in Texas... which is over 1,000 miles from my home in North Carolina... well, this is me... what you see is what you get... Brian

Robert.. will look for the book you suggested... I am not a church goer, in the sense of every Sunday, but am a believer!! Yes, I do pray... not for me, but for my wife and family...

Forgot to say that my older son, Brad is 31 yrs old, and youngest, Travis is 30..

When I retired from the Houston Police, I lost my insurance...  but, picked up insurance when I worked for the local hospital here in NC for 6-yrs, but.. it ended when I left to go teach at the college level... I lost my insurance when I finally left the college to be a bum.... hahahaha...   I have a couple of pretty nice retirement checks coming in, plus a hefty annunity ( monthly check ) which I receive from a near life threatening Police motorcycle accident in Jan. 1980, while on duty with the police dept.

My wife doesnt have to work... but, she works so she can care for her animals... as Clarissa states... "I dont want you paying for everything, PLUS my animals.."   What can you say.. I just told her it was her choice.. now, she is caring for me along with her animals... hahaha and even comes home at lunch to check on me... even though I am doing alot better and can get around with hardly a problem..     Yep.. time to get up ( I'm on her new laptop, just didnt feel like sitting in the computer / media room.. )... and get downstairs and put the kettle on the fire... hahaha...   Robert, take care...  Brian 

Brian

You move too fast for me.

I'm answering a message behind the one you last sent. I can't keep up.

I'll check in with you tomorrow. We need to chat on a differrent level. This is out there but I'd rather not make it all public domain.

Cheers

Robert

Good Afternoon Brian

I had a thought on this. The reason I emailed you yesterday was to connect with people in similar circumstances. Rather than go off-line, I think it would better to keep this open to whomever might have a question or a concern.

Without getting too personal, are you able to get around okay? Me, I don't have any physical issues other than the side effects with the meds, not that there isn't ONE I do regret.

Up until a couple of years ago I was seriously active. I'd do a 5K jog every other day. I headed to the Carribean to scuba dive every chance I had. Man did we do some crazy diving..!! I did one 200ft bounce on air, with some buddies, and it felt great, stupid, but great..!! I need to get that back.

To change the subject, I've been to Texas once, Dallas. We have an office there. I've never been to North Carolina. With work, I've been to Santiago Chile; wonderful place. I spent a year and change in Johannesburg back in '76+/-. OooWee that was an experience..!! Not good..!!I've lived in Vancouver, Montreal, Sarnia and a few other places not woth mentioning. My wife, Ann, and I are going to head to Mexico next year. We have a month set aside in San Miguel de Allende. I'm really looking forward to that.

My wife and I live on the west side of Toronto proper, not the burbs. It's a great neighbourhood; old houses within spitting distance of each other. Our neighbours are friends and we all support each others neurotic tendencies..lol. It makes for some fine Saturday nights..!! 

You mentioned being solid financially. I am too. No problems whatsoever there, but even though the kids are gone, they are never quite off the payroll and probably won't ever be. Love them none the less. 

Thanks for the exchange.

Best Regards

Robert

PS. I'll shoot you an email

Robert...  well, I have my good & bad days... IF I am too active during a good weather day... I pay for it at night with NO sleep, and aches and severe pains.... the next day I am usually in bed all day, or maybe more than one day...   I was offically diagnosed with my Advanced Prostate Cancer & Advanced Prostate Metastasis Bone Cancer on July 30th... just a few months back.... I had suffered many months before my wife finally put her foot down for me to see her doctor, yep.. many months and many lost pounds of body weight... I lost in excess of 86-lbs.... but, after a one month injection of Leuprolide Acetate ( Lupron ).. and another injection 3-weeks ago (this new one is for four months)... I have finally gotten my appetite back (some ).. and gained about 35-lbs... and can move around without much pain... BUT, still cant overdo it.... or am back in bed !!

We live in the country... an area north of Hendersonville, NC... and south of Asheville, NC...  we have a bit over 14-acres, and bunches of animals I have already talked about...  the air is fresh, the sky is blue, and there is mountains all around us... in fact we live just a few miles south of the "Blue Ridge Parkway" everyone has heard of this highway through the mountains...  beautiful...

After living in Houston, Tx for over 28-yrs its great to be living in the country once again...    yes, know what you mean about the kiddo's always have their hands out for assistance... my sons are the same way... 

take care and hello again....  Brian

Brian

I don't know what to say that's more positive and supportive and for some reason I really don't think you need anything that you don't already have. It is what it is and you've got to play the cards you have been dealt. Family and friends, above all else, are everything, and that's all that counts. I sounds like you are doing just fine in that regard.

Cheers Brother

R

Robert, thanks for the kind words... and lets hope and pray YOU 'RE doing great, and able to be up and about w/ no problems!!  Yes, I have a BIG positive atitude... but, if something doesnt go correctly... and I have to leave this earth, well... cant blame anyone but myself for allowing my wimpy *** prostate cancer to progress into the Advanced stages where it becomes overly aggressive...  Hopefully it goes into remission by next summer (as my doctor predicts)... as I have a 4.5 acre horse pasture to fence in (by myself)..  I just need to get out of the house and do the things that I'm used to being able to do without pain, (having the bone tumors flaring up and killing me)...  yes, like you... I was overly active... I jogged, I worked out, I mowed 3-acres of lawn every week, I bushhogged 4.5-acres of pasture every two weeks, I washed my 6-vehicles & two motorcycles what seemed like continously.. I brought in horse hay for my wife's horses.... I was busy daily, and seemed to never slow down.... until around Christmas of last year... when I got down in my lower back, and my left hip began to give me fits...  I just thought it was a bad case of sciatica.... well, you know what "thought did"...  hahahaha

My younger son... well, I am owner financing a nice small home for him in Beaumont, Tx...   my older son.. well, he is getting a divorce, and doesnt know where he wants to live... so, all he askes for is money... hahahaha   My wifes son, well he dropped out of school when he turned 18 and moved back to Virginia to live with his worthless father... now, both of them are worthless... emmmmmmm  will tell ya about this when you email me on my aol email account..    well, today wifey wants to clean her barn... so I will get on my tractor... drag the horse pasture, then bushhog the weeds, etc then we are going for a long drive in the mountains...  just taking it easy...   hope you and family have a great day.. Brian

Good Morning Brian

It's a fine Sunday morning here, a bit cool but sunny

Some rambling thoughts for the day since I don't have too many pressing issues to deal with:

My honey turned off the furnace last night because she feels the sweats and chills as well. It dropped to 58 degrees inside the house. I had to put on a coat just to have coffee this morning. If she does that in January, we'll burst every pipe in the house..lol

On women: You mentioned your wife put her foot down and had you go to a doctor. "Good" on her. I had the same experience. My wife and I split somewhere in the 90's and somehow got back together a few years ago. She immediately chewed on my backside to get a check-up, which I did. That's led to where I'm at today. I swear, if it wasn't for her, I'd be fertilizing some flower bed in the local cemetary. I love that woman. I just need to keep her away from the thermostat..lol

On pets: You seem to have quite a managerie. We don't have the room for horses. We do have two cats that came with the reunion. They are brother and sister and fixed. The sister is tiny and bit shy, but friendly. The brother is one honking big tabby, dumb as a sack of hammers but as friendly a cat as I've every come across. He eats, sleeps and s***s. What a life.

On health: I don't know whether you get sweats and chills like I do from Lupron. I find I also randomly get facial swelling and a couple of times a serious sore throat without any fever other flu sysmtoms. 

I'm a vitamin freak and have been for as long I can remember. I've got a cupboard full of assorted everything.

I checked with my specialist on these side effects and he had me stop the vitamins. It's only been a few days but no sweats and chills. Go figure...

On toys: You remind me a bit of my brother and I don't mean to insult you by that. He lives in LA and has been there since he was 17 or 18. He's got about six classic cars tucked away and this monster of a Harley that's almost solid chrome. What a guy..!!He's headed this way as I type but that's for an email later.

The wife and I don't have much in the way of "gotta have". We did get a huge plasma TV about a year ago and it has served us well on those cold winter nights. I just wish I knew how to work it. There is a changer for the TV, one for the cable connection and one to operate the DVD. I haven't got a frigging clue how to get it going. I'm an Engineer but I feel like a turnip when it comes  this TV. I just look at it and let my honey do the driving...

I did indulge in one bit of extravagance recently. I bought myself a Blackberry (Crackberry?). I don't know if you are aware of Research in Motion, RIM, but they have been SERIOUSLY good to me over the last few years. I have never tried Viagra but I guarantee that owning RIM stock will work better..haha.

There is an issue of figuring out how this puppy works but that is a challenge I'm willing to face. I owe RIM that much.

On travel: Have you ever been to Canada? From the description of where you live, I think that would be hard to beat. Just curious.

The house has warmed up and it's time to get breakfast...

Cheers

Robert

Robert... Sunday was cool (in the low 40's ) and windy... you cant see the grass in my yard because of the layer of leaves... emmmm something more for me to do... hahahaha   I did get down to the front pasture yesterday and bushhogged about 2-acres, before my lower left hip area began to give me fits... you wouldnt believe how high the weeds were.. I had to stand up in the tractor to just see where I was headed...  this is what happens when you lay around for 10-months... emmmm

The hot flashes, and freezing chills.. from the Lupron... I have been having these since the #1 injection the middle of August... and now have 3-good blankets on my side of the bed---trying to stay warm, but have to get up multiple times during the night to flip my "sweated" pillow over, or change my t-shirt multiple times because I'm covered with sweat. I know I bother my wife, with me getting up during the night..... but, she never says anything upsetting to me...

Since I've gotten sick... emmm extremely sick... hahahaha...  my taste-buds had changed... things I loved to eat, I cant stand the smell or taste anylonger... I cant stand ...Mayo, peanut butter, any type of lunch meats, ham, steak, butter, tuna fish, baked potato, coffee, and BEER... havent had a beer in almost 10-months. But, I've gotten where I love a cup of hot tea, bottled water, gator-aid, and Kleebers club crackers.... hahaha and have a zip-lock of those club crackers on my headboard. The other night at 2:07am.. I was munching on club crackers and drinking orange gatoraide....  woke wifey up, but she didnt say a lot... just not to munch so loud!!!!

One reason for moving to western NC, was the mountains and snow (in the winter)... as I loved cold weather... but, now cant seem to tolerate even cool days and nights...  I mean, 60-degree temps and I've wearing a long sleeve shirt !!

Our animals... Clarissa works for a vets office... she is a licensed vet tech.... and the majority of our animals are rescues.  I built a large 50ft square pen out from our house... this is where the three largest dogs are kept... each has their own igloo to sleep in... the other

6-dogs are in the house... Four are kept in the kitchen / breakfast area... "3" registered Cockers, and a registered Bishon.... all are 9-bs to about 20-lbs, the last two have the house with us... one is MY Chichauhau, "pepe" weighs a wopping 6 1/2 lbs, and my wife's tiny teacup Poodle "Sassy"... she hits the scale at a bit over 4-lbs.....  all the animals are fixed and house broken... thank goodness... hahahaha

Got up this morning to a cool 27-degrees and its surposed to be colder Tuesday morning... being it was so hot and dry this summer, I'm looking for a COLD winter...  so, have a stock of Keroscene for the stove in the basement (to keep the pipes, etc from freezing)and have the two heat pumps serviced before the winter rush...   

well... have a great one....  and ANYONE else out there who would like to get in on our converstation... please jump in... Brian

Good Morning Brian 

Another fine day in the hood. A little cool but sunny

I'm headed downtown in a couple hours to talk with a "financial advisor". Basically that's to figure out how to give the kids my coin so they can enjoy it once I've bought the farm ..haha

I love this Lupron. I have to admit that I haven't had any sweats and chills for the last couple of days. It could be a coincidence, but stopping the vitamins, so far has worked. Like you, I keep three T shirts or so draped over the end of the bed and change them when I'm soaked. It's the lack of sleep that I find the worst. If I have a bad chill night I'm toast the next day.

I don't know how you could have so many critters. That's got to be a full time job. These two cats of ours are more than enough.

I agree it would be good to have someone else jump into this exchange just to get sense of where other prostates are at.

I'll be back to you on email.

Cheers

Robert