Need some inspiration . . . .

Hi everyone.

I'm so glad to have found this website! It's such a relief to know that you have all probably been through every emotion I am griping about right now!

I cannot cope with my life. I am so in pain everyday of my life, every part of my body is screaming at me. All of my fingers are so swollen, throbbing and disfigured, (they won't even allow the most basic activities of daily living, like holding a hairbrush, turning the shower on, dressing myself, writing, driving, the list is endless as you all know). My feet don't want shoes on them at any time, and they don't want me to walk without extreme difficulty, and my neck pain is keeping me awake every night.

I'm so exhausted.

Im finding it really difficult to keep up full time employment, in a mostly male environment - where a headache is enough reason to take the day off sick - and my fiance hasn't spoken to me for three weeks, cos he thinks I'm nuts (and an idiot)!  

Has anyone else gone through the psychological torment and physical pain this illness makes us have to deal with, and how did you all cope?

I'm also finding it more difficult to cope just now, because I know I must  split with my fiance, who hasn't even said "Hi" for the last three weeks. May I add, he has attended hospital with me on every occasion. He is fully aware that there is no cure and he sees me go to pieces, with the painful injections and menu of treatment I have to endure, in order to get a few weeks of semi-normality! Therefore, he is not in the dark. He is as educated as I am about this illness. 

I wont be seeing my rheumatologist till Christmas Eve, and I really dont think I can wait that long. I dont know where to turn, and I'm so lonely. Please, everyone out there, please help if u can. . . . .

And please forgive me for griping x