Calamity Jane

Health Interests

Rheumatoid Arthritis,  Fibromyalgia,  Depression,  Severe Chronic Pain

Drugs I am Taking

Enbrel (just started),  pain meds,  Celexa,  supplements & alternative approaches

About Me

I'm thrilled to find this community. I had no idea how alone I felt. I thought I was just kind of weak in not being able to cope with this disease any better than I do -- and here I find message after message from people struggling with all the same things that I do, on a daily basis. What a relief! Thank you all so much, just for being here. I've had RA since I was a child, but managed well until about ten years ago. I'm disabled now, walk with a cane, have terrible fatigue, constant difficult pain and fatigue. I live on pain meds now and can't imagine how I would cope without them, but of course they come with their own cluster of problems. I"m a writer & artist, a 30 year buddhist practitioner, and I live alone in 100 year old cabin in an amazingly beautiful little mountain village in Colorado - this was my life long dream, and I thought it was just wishful thinking until somehow I got myself here. Now I worry that I won't be able to stay for long, because of this disease. But I'm very stubborn. Living here gives me so much joy and sanity, and I want to stay right up to the day when it's clear that it's no longer possible. I have a big fear of having to live with other people because of being disabled -- I love my solitude so much, and for me it is very healing and nurturing (I do have lots of splendid friends), but yes it is now getting hard to cope with daily tasks, cleaning, things like that. I'm a passionate reader, interested in all areas, very curious. I think curiosity is a saving grace, it keeps you alive. And obviously, I really like putting my thoughts into words, and really appreciate communicating with others who do also. I'm really pretty ill right now. The pain is constant, and it scares me. Same with the fatigue. I'm just about to try Enbrel, after years of resistance. I think all these big RA drugs are really toxic, that they can kill you. They're a perfect example, to me, of what's wrong with western medicine. I.e., you have a disease that sends your immune system off kilter -- therefore, kill the immune system. Doesn't make sense to me. No one can live without an immune system. I've agreed to try Enbrel out of desperation, with great reluctance. I tried Humira and had such a bad reaction that it almost killed me. But my rheumatologist says that if I don't try Enbrel, she will not prescribe my pain meds for me, and I can't live without them now. Isn't this blackmail? I'd love to be in touch with anyone who is living with this. My email is skypillar108@yahoo.com (And in spite of the tone of this description, I'm a positive person with a lot of happiness and joy, I swear!)