Getting Support From Family and Friends

By Stephanie Monday, December 08, 2008

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I am having a tough time getting my fiancee to realize how badly I am hurting. He knows about the RA, but just doesn't seem to understand the seriousness, or how extreme the pain is. We have four kids together, and a home, and he gets grumpy when I don't feel like doing things I need to do. I put things off a lot due to flareups. Although sometimes I just give in and do my chores while hurting, and then it just hurts worse the next day when I go to work. Can anyone else sympothize? I would love to talk about this to someone who understands, and I'm sure your out there.

Comments (3) | Add comment

louisesis

12/ 9/08 2:25pm

Hey! I'm new here but not new to RA and it's pain. I have suffered from it for four years now and it has recently gotten much worse. Not sure if it is a flare up or just rapid progression. Had a doctors appointment today and waiting for results.

I struggle with walking. Some days I simply can't. I stay in bed other than when I absolutely have to get up, and I am miserable. My husband doesn't get it because he can't feel what I am feeling. Some days I just want to scream at him and other days he seems to be more understanding. I think it is hard for them to know when they don't experience it and it's hard for guys also, I think, just cuz of their make up. They sometimes have been taught to 'walk it off' by their fathers and have had to do it themselves in some way. They also deal with pain differently at times and have a difficult time knowing what to say when they see 'us' suffering.

I try to remember that it is up to me to take care of me. Others may help but I have to give myself a break even if others just don't get it.

I'm not sure if any of what I said helps but I'd be glad to talk with you more about it if you'd like!

I'm sorry for your pain and frustration.

Hugs!!!

~Kitty~

bucky badger

12/10/08 8:07pm

My wife too has no idea how bad it can get when I have a flare up. I have been taught to walk off pain but some days it can't be walked off! I do most of my household chores to the best of my abilities (and like yesterday shoveled a foot of snow off my driveway and sidewalk!). I have two young boys (3 and 1), a household to support and clean up after, and God Bless my wife she does all she can to keep up with everything. I know it must be frustrating for her to see me sitting around when I am in so much pain and she is busting her hump getting everything washed, kids bathed, and the completing the normal grind. I do my best to help out when I am hurting and doing extra work when I am not hurting so much. I think we all just have to realize that we get grumpy (with or without RA) and take things out on our love ones (intentional or non-intentional) when we are tired and run down. I know my wife doesn't know what I am going through and I thank God she doesn't have too! I always try to explain to her what I am feeling and how my body is hurting me that day. Some days she is really sympathetic and others she kicks me in the butt and it hurts my pride but I always try and do my best to help with the work load. I guess a long story short, just know your limits and pick your battles. God bless!

kat

2/23/09 5:48pm

Hey Steph,

My name is Kathy and I am 49 and I too live with this horrid thing called RA. I have had it for 10 yrs and its only been the past 3 yrs that i have been dealing with the same things as you. The pain, the hurting the inability to do the simple things in life and yes friends and family dont realize the pain we suffer in silence. I think it is because we have no outward signs of an illness such as a sore a scare a broken leg etc , the pain is within. It is almost impossible to make anyone understand the pain unless they have it themselves.. so i guess what i am trying to say is dont stress too much about people not realizing how much pain we feel, I dont think they will ever know. Stress is a major cause of feeding this thing. Take it from me ..i know , i have just had a terrible stressfull year and now i have had a outbreak of shingles to top it off. This in turn has made a massive impact on my RA.. more pain more inablility to function properly..SO stray stress free if you can..

Getting Support From Family and Friends

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