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Thank you Debra for your response. I went to see the orthopedic dr. this am. and he aspirated fluid from my knee and then injected cortisone and marcaine. The xrays were ok and he is going to notify my rheumie about this flare up. I am just so tired of all of the aches and pains and the inability to do things that were just NORMAL. Having to stop and think about how you are going to do something just stinks. I am still working full time because I have to have insurance. Retirement is something that I want. Fortunately there is FMLA out there and I am not penalized about being out. This is the first time in a couple of years that I have had to call in. Most of the time, if something is hurting, I just grin and bear it until I get home. Then I can just fall apart, take a shower and get into my comfortable bed and watch TV. Thanks for listening. Pattie

It really is hard.  It bugged me and saddened me at first, and sometimes since, that I had to spend so much time and energy thinking about MYSELF and how I felt, instead of being "free and creative" and do things on impulse, intuition, etc etc. 

Little by little, I'm learning to be creative about integrating self-care and the rest of my life ... I know I've changed, and I certainly don't like all of it - but what's the alternative, I'm not giving up...  I do allow myself to rest.  I do allow myself to "overdo" when I'm feeling well, knowing I'll be in pain afterward, it's worth it to sometimes just really MOVE, or work in the yard, or stay up way late for something interesting, or just time with my husband.  However, - it is all an EFFORT and a DECISION.  I guess that's what is meant by 'intentionality' - a word I've never liked, seems too stodgy.  I prefer AWARENESS and acceptance.  Trying different kinds of meditation, particularly combined with movement, like TAI CHI has helped me enormously this year.  I was dragging so much and couldn't find any kind of typical exercise/stretch routine which didn't hurt me more.  Tai Chi for Arthritis was the answer, and with a DVD, I didn't have to go to a class, or stick to a schedule (I can't...)   It helps me in a lot of ways, physically, mentally and emotionally. 

I understand working for insurance and retirement. I teach school, so I have three months "off" and I've got loads of sick leave saved so I can take more than 11 days a year. I made it all the way through September, but am flaring like mad this week. I work with a cane and ice packs. One of my students' first reading assignments was about RA, so they'd have some clue about my life. Great kids this year, great family at home, but if I thought there was any choice in the matter, I'd just stay in bed on better meds than my doctor will give me.

     That's something I can only say on-line. It would stress out my husband to no end. It would be as hard having this disease pre-internet as it would be pre-fancyexpensivesemieffectivemedication.