Does RA pain make you angry?

By Ratnapriya Monday, July 25, 2011

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For ten years that I have been having RA I never felt like this before. I had a huge flare recently which is under control now. I can work without pred and Pain medications. For the last ten years I have been doing all my duties and responsibilities meticulously even when I was in a far worse situation. I still do my job well and have a nice family life with my husband but lately I feel very angry with the rest the world. Angry with the people who had been heartless and unsympathetic towards me for the last 10 years. Strange, when I have taken all that bad behavior for so long and ignored, how come I now feel so angry which is so unlike me. I cannot talk to anybody about this strange problem. I wonder whether this late frustration and anger is something that some of you have felt also.

Ratnapriya

Comments (14) | Add comment

V, Health Guide

7/25/11 7:20am

Hello, Ratnapriya,

I haven't had that experience yet, but I am not going to say that I never will. I haven't had RA all that long. Maybe the last flare you had just brought some emotions to the forefront that you have been repressing. I think we all can relate to repressing emotions so that we can function and get through our days. It is tough enough to just function on a day-to-day basis, and we don't have a lot of energy for anything else. Maybe you have just reached a point where you need to get it out of your system. It is difficult not to become overwhelmed when you are are working and battling RA. I also work and I have a wonderful husband. I do have the added stress of my elderly parents living with us. Sometimes that gets too much for me and I just have to get away form it all. Any way you could take a small vacation with your husband and do something you both enjoy, or just be together? I think you need a rest from the sometimes harsh world we live in. People can be very self-centered and unkind. Please know that we do understand here, and we do care.

Blessings,

V, Health Guide

7/25/11 8:03am

I just wanted to add that it is okay to ask for help. Everyone, even those without RA, needs help sometimes. It is a hard thing for many of us to do. I used to be that way...stubborn! LOL Now I ask for help at the grocery store or where I need it. It has made my life a lot easier and I don't pay the consequences of doing things I should not be doing. Juggling Life with RA: Time Management and Saying No is a post written my our mentor, Lene Andersen. It has a lot of helpful information in it. Lene has had RA for over 40 years. She has a lot of insight about living with this disease. Please keep in touch and let us know how your are doing.

Ratnapriya

7/26/11 7:32am

Thanks a lot V for being so understanding. To know that I am not alone in this strange mind set up is a relief. I was half thinking that dealing with RA for so long is slowly making me cranky.

Ratnapriya

Debra

7/25/11 2:45pm

I recognize that feeling. I've had RA for almost ten years now and often when I have a setback I feel very angry at the world. I keep thinking I will get used to being sick, but often new pain feels like an insult somehow.

What to do? I'm still working on it. I take antidepressants, which help. I also allow myself an occasional "pity party"--take a day off to spend in bed or on the couch, cry if necessary, and usually lay around enough to get bored and get back into life.

Being brave and fulfilling our obligations is important in order to live well with this disease, but a little self-indulgence is sometimes necessary too.

V, Health Guide

7/25/11 8:22pm

I so agree with you, Debra. Sometimes we need some "alone" time to regroup and lick our wounds. It is good to do that once in a while, as long as we don't get stuck in that mindset. I take Lexapro for the nerve pain in my feet, but it is an antidepressant, and I think it helps me a lot in that way, also. Living with a chronic, painful condition naturally causes a bit of depression, I think. Thank you for your insight.

Ratnapriya

7/26/11 7:40am

Your idea of pity party is great. I desperately need a howl but being 50 and a senior scientist I have very few people in front of whom I would do that. I do not want to shock my poor husband who is convinced that I am such a brave girl to be dealing with so much pain with such a smile and boasts around. I have to look around for an opportuunity "alone" to do that

Ratnapriya

suzzy

7/25/11 6:56pm

yes for me it does make me angry an sometimes very angry, and i do think thats what kept me going an pushing myself. my job has always been hard to do but i have always done it an always done more.i do think if i would have stopped 25 years ago i wouldnt be where i am at, but i still have alot of problems with RA an new ones just keep popping up, but through the years i have understood people an their pain an begin to know that people do take pain different then me. when i hurt i get mad then i push myself untill i quit hurtting thats the only way i have made it this far, alot of coworkers might think i am mad at them but really im mad at the RA, i have never been lazy or let someone do my job, its ok to get angry i do think a person needs to ,to get through this. we didnt choose this. an to me RA is alot to get angry about

Ratnapriya

7/26/11 7:44am

I used to do exactly what you do now. Push my anger towards my pain in a positive direction but now I feel very tired to do even that.

Ratnapriya

suzzy

7/27/11 6:19am

Always finding something new to do even helps if you get tired of doing the same ole same ole. i love to hand sew quilts. it brings me back to the good old days with my grandma. an coloring tea towels. I do belive having RA you have got to find a new hobby now an then to relaxe you an give your mind a break from the old.

Leslie

7/25/11 11:04pm

I don't think you are the only one who gets angry about the pain and the difficulty or how endless it is. I have not had RA anywhere near as long as you - ten years is a long time. Some people here have fought RA since they were children. I don't know about you, but before, I would get sick and evenually I would get better but from this, well, you never really get well do you? Well is what we all seek. And when we wake up to increased pain, more swelling, bad days, well, yes, it can make you angry.

Lack of understanding for the pain of what can be an invisible disease or mixing it up with osteoarthritis - "I've got that in my knee" doesn't help. We have a serious chronic autoimmune disease that some how fails to garner understanding or often much sympathy. Yes, it makes me angry sometimes. I don't think that's an unreasonable reaction. But I think that it helps to accept the anger, feel it, and let it go. Holding on to anger can't help in the long run.

It helps to have someone to talk to. To others online or in a support group. To a counselor. I don't think I would feel guilty about occasional anger, but if you need help to get past it, reach out and get it. Feeling like that all the time or often wouldn't be good.

Take care.

Ratnapriya

7/26/11 7:51am

You are so right that holding on to anger does not help and I should move along. That is exactly what I cannot do now. Maybe if somehow I can vent my emotions I will return to normal. My elder sister in front of whom I really can act stupid without any shame has been out town for quite sometime visiting her son. She is returning soon. I hope she can help as she always does.

Thanks a lot all of you, your suggestions have put a lot of peace inside me again.

Ratnapriya

Lene Andersen, Health Guide

7/26/11 11:38am

absolutely! sometimes, it all comes to a head, provoked by the stress in another situation. I used to swallow it all, tried to not let it bother me, but I've since realized that keeping such tight control actually just let everything built up inside of me and then it all explodes, usually messily, when I wanted the least. I find that gradual release of frustration in a constructive manner as it happens tends to be better from a mental health perspective. Aside from the unexpected explosions when everything builds up too high, I found that it's bad for my RA and my pain levels to bottle it up.

I recommend counseling. Even short-term, it can help to have an objective third party to help you work things through.

Ratnapriya

7/28/11 6:02am

Thanks!! I too am thinking of going to some third party if my present measures for partial venting of my emotions does not work. It is strange how the frustrations even before my RA days are coming back and piling inside me. But just being able to talk to you people is already somewhat working like counselling. As I talk in this forum I cam feel the high tide of emotion slowly ebbing. I will keep bothering you all until and unless I get this out of my system. Am I sounding very selfish?

Ratnapriya

Lene Andersen, Health Guide

7/28/11 10:56am

not at all - that's what we're here for. To help, listen and support each other. Keep talking!

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