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Sex.  It is the topic rarely discussed in the rheumatoid arthritis community but something I feel is crucial to continuing a good relationship with your spouse and for your own well being.

I have been married to the same person for almost 24 years.  The relationship we enjoy today has been built on a genuine like for each other, an understanding of each other’s unique personalities, compromise, laughter, children, and sex.  In our 24 years together sex has always been an important contributor to our marriage as it draws us closer together in good times and bad.  Plus, it is just plain fun!

Now, you may be thinking, “Okay, Cathy, explain to me how I can incorporate sex into my relationship when I can barely get out of bed alone and/or need my partner to pull me out of the bathtub?”  I know, sex seems like the last thing you want to do.  You already feel unattractive and may even wonder how your partner can look at you with any sexual interest.  How we feel and look while living with an autoimmune illness may encourage us to back away from our partner and put sex on the back burner, but I plead with you to not let this happen.   Keep sex alive in your relationship.  Our disease and its many issues often keep us from having the relationship we once had with our partner, but like everything else about living with an illness, we can adapt and create a new path for ourselves that still includes love making.  The important thing to remember is that what we once had may not be the same, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t still exist in some form to keep the intimacy in our relationships alive and thriving.

I think as with anything RA related, we have to figure out what will work for us in our current situation.  Sometimes we can do a lot and sometimes we can do very little.  Pick and choose from some of the items below or be creative and add your own.  You know your body best

 1.  Hold hands – Hand holding is a very simple yet gratifying experience that I see many relationships, with and without an illness to consider, abandon after courtship.  When dealing with a chronic disease, I find this simple act of love to be HUGE!  Although you may feel as if being touched is the last thing you want to do, please remember that your partner may still desperately crave your touch.  Many times hand holding for us has meant my husband gently grabbing hold of a few of my fingers while walking through the mall or when that is too painful, laying his hands gently on mine or mine on his as we watch a movie together.  Sometimes this simple act of touch rejuvenates me more than any amount of Advil could ever do.