sick and tired of being sick and tired

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about my doc changing my meds. I was on Arava 10mg per day and 400 mg of plaquenil per day plus some vitamins he prescribed. Now its 200 mg plaquenil daily  and 10mg of methotrexate every wednesday. Still confused as to the change, the rashy sore thing on my hand has not changed much. Why I have to go through the pain of arava leaving and meth not working yet is I guess one of those doctor things. He decided the change therefore the pain. The arava was working, it had side effects but not ones that were, to me, unacceptable.

 I hate all of this, I don't want to be bothered for a while. No docs, no tests, no referral to see new docs. Its been three long years of pokes and prods and xrays, bone scans, bloodwork, scary meds, doctors that wont return calls and very few answers for my sanity or peace of mind.

I have cooperated fully, trying to get some kind of knowledge or grip on all this only to be confused all over again.

I feel completely beat down by all this. I have no control anymore.

Im not depressed, just sick and tired of being sick and tired.