Choice: treat arthritis or try to be a mum ... thoughts needed

By Emma M Thursday, August 13, 2009

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Hi, all - really hope that most (if not all) of you are having a good day today.

Would really appreciate some thoughts. Due to fertility issues for me and partner, we've had five lots of IVF since April 2008. No joy. View all round is that my RA is the reason it's not working as my body goes crazy - v high temp - when the embryos are implanted. Since the last IVF, my arthritis has flared up and has now spread to my right hand and left jaw. (Is already in both knees, hips, elbows and shoulders.)

As of yesterday, I'm also being tested for auto-immune thryoid disease. Though easy to treat, it can cause complications in pregnancy.

I am allergic to arthritis meds safe for pregnancy so am relying on local and deep muscle steroid injections. These, together with the fertility meds, have made my weight rocket. It's gone up by nearly 2.5kg since the beginning of June so I'm over 83kg. (My normal weight is around 70kg.) This concerns me not only for all round health but also a) effect on my joints and b) added problems if I were to get pregnant and had to carry even more.

My rheumatologist wants to get me onto methotrexate asap but this is not safe for the reproductive system.

So I feel like my choices are either a) be selfish and think about what's best for my body (which would mean giving up on dreams of motherhodd) or b) try again to get pregnant, knowing that I could have complications due to weight and thryoid.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Can anyone help me decide what to do? (I'd add that, due to my partner's age, we've probably only one last try to get pregnant available to us as he doesn't want to be a Delapidated Dad.)

Feeling terribly low about it all. I've never complained about having RA as, since I've had it since age 6, have just accepted it as one of those things. But now feeling like someone's got it in for me and really need some respite.

Don't wish to get anyone down so apologies for miserable post.

Emma

Some personal experiences and thoughts re the UK healthcare system (NHS)

Comments (8) | Add comment

COCONYC

8/13/09 9:37am

Emma,

Sorry you are going through all this, I totally feel your pain. It's a tough decision. I too have been trying for two years and no luck. I also have not been medicated and i am really scared. Keep your spirits up and you will know once you have to make a decision. I gave myself a timeframe and it's coming up in October. This has helped me to accept what will happen either way.

Emma M

8/13/09 11:03am

Thanks, CocoNYC. I'd planned that we would decide on a long holiday booked for September. Really looking forward to the holiday but not to the decision-making ... I hope that you find the answer that's right for you. Best wishes, Emma

maggie mae

8/18/09 2:15am

Hey Emma, Sorry to hear about you fertility issues. I had steriod injections also. I was told by my Doctor not to get Pregnant for 3 months after the injections. She told my that I would have a miscarriage if I did not wait at least 3 months. Best of luck to you.

Emma M

8/18/09 4:36pm

Hi, Maggie Mae ... that's a bit scary, particularly when part of the immune treatment used in fertility is steriods so I was on 25mg pills throughout the fertility treatment last time around. The theory behind it is that they need to suppress our Natural Killer cells which may over-react to alien DNA. So it concerns me that you've been told that and I haven't! Will have to speak with my doc. All the best, Emma

nan c

8/18/09 1:34pm

http://helenfoundation.com/

and

look onto food grade 35% h202

i can't yet say either works but i sure am checking them out....

Lene Andersen, Health Guide

8/26/09 11:35am

maybe the choice isn't so black-and-white. maybe you could go on methotrexate for a year, get your RA under control, protect your joints from permanent damage and once sure ahead of the game, try another IVF. I know you said that your partner doesn't want to be a Dilapidated Dad (that term had me snorting tea all over my keyboard - best laugh of the day so far!), but would a year matter? Maybe buying yourself a bit more time to think and look at other options for parenthood would be a good idea. Maybe it isn't selfish to get your RA treated, maybe it's smart. maybe not getting treated would cause damage to your joints that would make it harder for you to be a mother. And back to options - maybe there are other ways of becoming a parent than the biological route.

And maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. However, from a personal point of view, whenever I feel like I'm in a situation where there are only two options and I'm really distressed about it, I often find that creating a bit of a timeout, a break to get perspective enables me to find other ways of getting to where I need to go.

Emma M

8/29/09 8:33pm

Thanks, Lene. You're right: there is another option. I'd looked at surrogacy, which is legal in the UK though one can only cover 'reasonable expenses' (healthcare, travel, vitamins etc, maternity leave if that's an issue with the employer, for exampe); it is illegal to pay a fee to a surrogate.

I'd posted on a fertility website that I use alot (!) in the surrogacy thread only to find out, after some research, that my partner's age (over 45) means that we won't be considered for help by surrogacy agencies. I didn't mention it on my original post as I'd crossed it off the list. However, total surprise, I've been contacted by a lady who's seen my post on the site and is wishing - after having had four kids - to offer the gift of carrying a child through surrogacy, and particularly wishes to help someone who is getting on a bit. Having seen my profile, she's obviously not been put off by my health issues. If anything, it seems to have made her more interested in me. Early days though she seems really nice and, if it worked, would be the perfect option - allowing me to get the right RA treatment while she puts up with the back pain, sore boobs, etc! I'm in awe of people who are selfless in this way. Amazing ...

So fingers and everything else are crossed that, after so much heartache and feeling that the universe really has it in for me, perhaps my Fairy Godmother has finally woken up and realised that I need a little bit of kindness!

I'll keep you all posted on how it goes though no immediate decisions; we're off on hols next weekend and not back 'til October. Yippee!! Aussie tan, here I come!

All the best,

Lene Andersen, Health Guide

8/30/09 11:46am

I love it when all of a sudden, the universe gets its act together.

Have a great time in Australia! I'm deeply envious - always wanted to go there. And I'm looking forward to hearing more about your efforts to become a mother. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Choice: treat arthritis or try to be a mum ... thoughts needed

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