I am going to have to revisit my medications and evaluate what is working and what is not working...Again!  I guess that is just going to be how it is for those of us with RA.  We start a medication and some work well and some have to be stopped due to side effects or etc.  Then...the ones that do work for a while, begin to loose effectivness. 

     It takes me a while to realize I am feeling rotten.  I guess I subconsciously ignore my aches and pain.  I find that if I am mindful and aware of how my body feels...it can be quite depressing and discouraging.  Who wants to focus on that?  I will admit that I have a bad habit of ignoring the aches and pain until I am more effected than I should be.  I guess it is my "ignore it until it goes away" theory.  But...as we all know...RA does not go away.  We may have some periods of remission (for those who have periods of remission) but eventually the RA sneaks back in.

     I am trying to be more mindful and aware of my body and what it needs.  Right now my body is telling me it needs to be replaced/repaired/overhauled!  Darn beginner meditation and beginner yoga dvd's.   

     I will prevail.  It is just going to take some time.  I need to work on my patience and my being kind and gentle to myself right now.  I also need to get aggressive in looking for another Rheumatologist who is kind, gentle and mindful of me.  I dred starting over with a new Rheumy, but it is necessary.

     I currently have a Rheumy who has so many patients and is working out of two offices in two different towns approx. 70 miles apart.  He is being very aggressive at building his two very busy and I am sure, very profitable businesses.  If I call, the nurses at either office, they are so busy they can't even focus on my call or my reason for calling.  I am also beginning to see a great deal more mistakes.  These are all "red flags" that I cannot ignore and will not go away.  We all deserve to be treated well and receive good medical care.

     My Rheumy has his patients fill out a questionnaire and draw/circle what hurts on a chart of the human body at every office visit.  He then evaluates what you have indicated is hurting.  In other words...you are pretty much performing the patient physical evaluation/examination yourself!  He then usually looks at my hands and says, "Yes these joints are swollen" and that is about it.  NOTE:  For the past several years, I had written about my hands being numb and or hurting.  I just centrely had carpal tunnel release surgeries on both hands due to my finally being diagnosed with severe carpal tunnel syndrome and severe muscle atrophy.  Some of the damage may be permanent, my hand surgeon says. Maybe if I had a Rheumy who was more aware of his patients, I would not have had to get to the "Severe" stages of carpal tunnel syndrome and muscle atrophy.  Maybe I could have started with cortisone shots to reduce inflammation instead of going directly to the knife!