Hi Leslie,
I'm with Lene on thinking that you've had a good year after all. It may not seem like it right now, but in looking back you may see that your experience has brought you that much closer to finding what you need in a man and a relationship.
I admire you so much for the work you are doing in completing your dissertation. I was in the middle of my post-exams 7 years when health challenges conducted a slam dunk on my life. In the end, my clock ran out and I will permanently be an "all but dissertation" doctoral candidate. But YOU are going to beat the odds and make it to the end!!
The year 2011 was tough for me for various reasons. I didn't talk about much of that at the time and even though it ended up much better than it began, I still have an apprehensive feeling hanging around. It's hard to let go of depression or long-time negative feelings. Perhaps that is what we will both conquer in 2012. :)
Lisa
Thanks, Leslie, for sharing the difficulties of your year with RA and Lupus. I feel like a redheaded step-child on this site, as I have not be diagnosed with RA (I don't have the "RA Factor") but rather with "undetermined spondyloarthritis" and fibromyalgia. However, I do suffer from signficant inflammation and damage in my hands, shoulders, feet, knees, hips and neck, and am facing hip replacement surgery. I have have moved to injectible methotrexate and have recently added hydroxychloroquine, as I am still having trouble getting the inflammation under control. I am much older than you (approaching 60), which is different than facing this illness as a young adult, but instead means I have had years of damage to my joints and already have disfigured fingers due to many years of the disease running rampant while undiagnosed.
I have also been working on my doctorate this year, and working full time, with extensive travel. The travel is increasingly difficult, although I am still climbing into small planes and big trucks for very remote work, as well as running through airports and hauling luggage. I have recently had to use a cane, which is difficult on my self esteem, and when others offer to help me with my luggage I am grateful, but embarrased. However, I think the hardest thing to come to grips with is having to be unable to join my grandchildren with games on the floor or building a snowman.
Still, I have learned to hang on to my dreams even while living with this disease. When I turn 60 this spring, I will be working on the final pieces of my dissertation and working in education on a national level. More importantly, I will have held eight grandchildren in addition to my four children. I live where I want to live, and have what I need. I have far more to be happy about than to be sad about. And I take courage in reading stories like yours, that help me to hang in there on some days, and fight the good fight on others. Thanks for your gift of sharing.
I think learning more about yourself is a powerful tool towards leading you down the road that is perfect for who you are.
Thanks for sharing your journey this year with us. Although 2011 may have been a difficult year for you, hopefully 2012 will bring less surprises and many happy memories.
Happy 2012
Cathy
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call me a hopeless optimist, but it sounds to me as if you have had a good year. It may not look like it on the surface and immediately, but you have learned a lot about yourself, about living with a chronic illness, you are more comfortable in your own skin and less willing to modify yourself for the convenience of others. Stuff like that this only learned the hard way, but the lesson is invaluable and will change your life for the better. Congratulations on getting there much soone than many others! Still, I hope for you is that 2012 is less of a "learning experience" and more about implementing what you've learned.
thank you for being part of the team! you make our community better.
Lene,
You're right. I tend to be a pessimist, but maybe once I'm a bit more removed from this past year, I will be able to see what you are seeing.
And I am really happy to be a part of the team!
Leslie
it took me a long time to figure this one out - that when I look back, good usually came out of the bad. I started on this autoimmune disease journey earlier than you and like I said, it took a long, long time to switch perspective. When you're in the middle of it, it's really hard and you've been through a lot this year. Perspective takes distance and time. You already have some of it - you've realized that the men who are idiots are idiots because of what's within them, not what is within you. Every one of them will help you fine-tune what you're looking for, teach you about red flags to avoid and that will help you find a really good one.
Seven years ago, I lost a long-term relationship in the rubble of a major flare and it took a very long time to heal. Now that I've found a truly good man who loves me madly (and I him), I look back on all that pain and devastation of losing the man I thought I wanted to be with for decades and am so grateful for everything that happened. When things were good with that guy, it taught me a lot about what I wanted in a relationship and when things were bad (and they got very bad), he taught me even more about what was necessary in a relationship. Despite how difficult it was, I would not be without it. I really believe that if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have recognized my partner as being the perfect man for me and would've missed out on the best relationship I've ever had.
sorry. I feel philosophical tonight and I think it shows.