Online support is great, and often times can be easier and more fulfilling than in-person; support groups that don’t meet regularly, etc. But there is definitely something to be said for in-person support when it comes from family and friends. When I first got sick, it was really difficult for me to know exactly what I needed from people.

One thing that I have found extremely difficult as a 20-something, is how to navigate having a serious chronic illness while dating and early on in relationships. I created a rule for myself, that I call “The Third Date Rule”. In other words, I made a pledge to myself that by the third date, I would disclose my illnesses, regardless of other circumstances. This didn’t always work. And it has been frustrating when you really like someone, and worry that their reaction may be the end of the relationship.

What I’ve come to realize is that, ultimately, if the person cannot handle the situation, you should not be in a relationship with them, anyway. I’ve literally had guys tell me, hypothetically, that if I was feeling bad, they would “throw a blanket over my head and go to work.” I’m serious. I’ve heard this multiple times for multiple men. But I’m happy to say that I’ve been dating a great guy for eight months now. And he’s very attentive to my needs, health- and otherwise. But it hasn’t been easy. I had the period of him getting used to me doing injections, then being off of Methotrexate, starting the Humira, dealing with all of the craziness around that, having a major flare that lasted for over a month, being taken off of the Humira, and now am in medication limbo. And he’s been there with me, through it all, battling the insurance company, battling bullying nurses, and injecting (no pun intended) good into days that have otherwise been pretty dark and dismal.

To me, even now, it seems like a lot to ask of another person, though. On the other hand, he has faced adversity in his own life, and while I don’t wish what he has gone through on anyone, I think it has made our relationship a lot easier, but most of all, stronger. Based on that, I have commonalities with him that I’ve never had with anyone else I’ve dated. And he is physically and emotionally present in our relationship. And I’d like to think that we are pretty evenly matched in terms of who does what in terms of our two households. I think this helps, too. If I’m not feeling well enough to cook, he does. And it’s not just PB&J sandwiches. I do worry that this will get old for him some day. That the constant state of flux will just become too much, as sometimes it is too much for even me to handle. When I started out, I thought this was going to be a really easy post to write, but as I sit here, I can’t exactly put into words exactly what this relationship means to me. It’s different for any other I’ve had before. And it’s real in a way that no other relationship has been.