So, my brain is going in circles. I can't seem to make a firm decision about treatment... and yet, in reality I have. The Enbrel should be delivered tomorrow.
But, I'm not sure. But, I'm worried.
My circular argument goes something like this.... yes, I know that I'm stiff and in pain. BUT, has my quality of life decreased to the point where I should even be considering this step? If I back away from that question for a second I can see that just asking that means that YES, my quality of life HAS decreased to that point. BUT, then my mind whirls off into a new direction... should I request new xrays? And if so, if there's no visible damage, does that mean the methotrexate is working well enough by itself and I should just suck it up?
On and on and on it goes. All variations on a theme. But the fact is, I'm actually very lucky to HAVE options like Enbrel. As scary as these medications are, the reality of RA without them is so much worse.
So while my brain whirls, I'm taking the next step toward hopefully getting the RA under control.
And after that? Maybe I'll take the next step and learn to say *my* RA instead of *the* RA.