Relationships?

If your partner dont understand they not knowing anyway what meds r u on ?  

I went thru a similar situation 3 yrs ago. But my marriage lasted only for 4 months. Still it took me 2 yrs to get out of the depression and start dating again.

There are good ppl out there, compassinate enuf to understand our misery.

I got married again this year. Hope Floats. Cheers!

I didnt answer your question in the first post..

Well, what I did was --- first speak to them over the phone, email, online chat etc..

and obviously the question wll cme up as to why the prev marriage didnt work..

then u can casually mention RA. If they r still interested, they wll call again.

meet up only if u think they r worth it. dont waste ur time, money and energy.

Since u r relatively newly divorced, i would say giv it some time before you date again..get control over RA. Take the right medication and then step out.

Yu will feel better dating once u have ctrl over RA.

I took a break of 2 yrs from men to get over my baggage and RA. ( not over RA though ! )

If u r still in pain wth the meds, then may b its nt the right one for u. chek wth ur rheumy asap. dont wait !.

Love n Peace.

Ah, yes. Men aren't always the best at adapting to health issues, but aside from that, chronic illness can be hard on relationships in general. But it's certainly possible to find love and have a fulfilling relationship.  I wrote a post about this issue last year - one in the Beginner's Guide to RA series, this one called Love & The Horizontal Tango - and you can read that here.

I really don't think many people would take the time to wonder about their relationships along with their health issues.  You did get divorced after being diagnosed...it could be a direct result or it could be partially to blame. In either case, you were very lucky he left when he did! You really do not need someone around you that is that negative when you are trying to overcome a very negative phase in your life.

You really need to get out there and find yourself someone who will support you spiritually as well as physically, mind and body.

Now, to your question...I think you should approach bringing this subject up just like you would any other subject that is personal to you. You would not blurt out certain personal things on a first date, but after you get to know someone a little better and you see you are going to start liking each other, it would make sense to share this part of your life with your potential partner.

I'm in favor of definitely not hiding the fact of RA but not making an issue of it either. If you rush right into it and make a big issue of it, that makes the disease seem larger than you. You should be in control of your disease, not the other way around.

I admire your outlook. You are young and in your picture, you look like someone who is very happy. You deserve to find someone to share your life with...someone who will understand RA and how it will work in your life.

Good Luck!

Mary

My husband and I split up before and after I got RA.  He came back because he couldn't find anyone else.  Seriously - he is very shy, and decided a sick me, was better than no s-x at all. 

When I got sick, my 10 year old daughter cared for me. She dressed me, and brushed my hair.  I drove her to figure skating, which was extremely difficult, but the only thing I could do for her. She is a coach now. 

Hubby never got the idea that I was sick. He is very depressed anyway, only cares about cars and fixing them.  Personally, our marriage was a mess long before I got sick.  He was actually intranced with my surgery - it was so mechanical - with all the pins and screws in my foot. He wanted to see the surgery, and spent 20 minutes discussing the mechanics with my ortho. That is the only interest he has shown.

He has tried really hard to help me this surgery, since I am basically unable to walk.  But after talking to all my friends who aren't sick, relatives, etc., men 1.)  can't clean house to save their lives (and can barely cook!), and 2.) just aren't aware of the needs of sick people. (I assume the exception to this would be someone involved in medical or caring professions).

So some days, he leaves me without water, forgets to dress me, now I have lost my voice and can't even call for help. He told me not to use the cow bell I have to call him, because it bothers him. He has hearing problems and can't hear me, but refuses to get a hearing aid (I have a nodule in my throat from going off my meds from surgery!)

But I know he is trying HIS best, so what more can I do? I actually have asked my friends for help - that is the only way I get my sheets changed.

So don't feel bad about your marriage failure. I would be very up front about your disease.  If you don't tell them right from the beginning, you are opening yourself up for more heartbreak if they reject you.  If they accept you, and understand, and are willing to put up with your limitations - they are worth it.  If my husband and I split up again, I don't think I will look for anyone new.  I think I am a bit jaded! 28 years and still not happy!

Angie