rheumatoid arthritis sucks

I am 39 and still clinging to that number still in the thirty range.  My name is Kelley and I've been ill since I was about 25 or so.  Time flie when you're having fun.  I have two kids, the oldest is 19, the youngest is 15.  Each of them have their own demons.  Shay, the oldest has ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder.  I don't buy so much the ADHD, he really just needed to be taught differently than an ordinary school.  My daughter has suffered from ocd from about seven years old.  The stress these two bring me is enough to literally raise my white blood cell count. No joke.  The rheumy told me straight out that was the deal.  My primary, was baffled.  Primaries usually are.

I just started remicade and just did my fourth dose.  I don't get the dosing at all.  I know they start out low but for my fourth she was going to raise it to 300 (mg?) but still kept it at 200.  No matter, it makes me feel like crap.  The day after, my legs don't want to work, I fall constantly and bounce into walls.  I already have two weeks out of each month taken away because every time estrogen fluxes, like pms and menstruation, I'm down for the count. 

I do want a life. I feel like I lost half of it and while I try to be patient, the pain makes it hard.  I'm always in pain and I'm losing it.  Loratabs don't work, something with the chemicals in my brain and other people who have things like fibromyalgia.  Certain drugs are ineffective.  Morphine is the best but the doc is hesitant.  She has me on oxycontin but wrote it as generic, so I got straight ol' oxycodone.  She forgets all oxycontin is extended release and the makers were sued so getting the generic type is impossible.  I think with certain drugs, the brand name is better.  Thankfully, my husband has ok health insurance.  I'd be up the creek without a paddle if he didn't.

I got so frustrated with doctors, especially the primary docs who play specialist and make me worse.  I was diagnosed with so many things, all had aspects of autoimmune but they rely on the blood tests and about 40% of people don't show the ra antibody.  Lucky me to be one of them.

I'm not usually so crabby but pain does that to you. Takes away your optimism as well as your sanity.

I hope you guys are doing better than me.  Avoid stress at all costs, that is my advice to you.  It kills.

Warmest Regards to all of you,

Kelley