Some Anniversaries aren't so sweet.

15 months since I started symptoms of Rheumatoid Arthritis, and one year since i was diagnosed. I thought the longer I had to deal with this. The easier it would get.

 Wow, I was so wrong. Well I guess some things have gotten easier. I remember my medication better than i did at first. and I don't cry anymore when i know i have to have a shot that day (ok so i whine a little, but it's Humira anyone would!)

 All in all it is just as hard to admit to myself that I am sick. That i have limmitations, that there is a good chance I will never have something that feels like remission, and the meds only slow it, not stop it. I am still shocked at the pure ignorance of the people around me. that they will jump at the chance to undiagnose me because I have a good day. or because I hide things well. I feel like I hold a secret, and I am always gaurding it from the world.

 I have learned a few things however.

 First off to enjoy every moment I feel good because those moments with my kids are so perfect and sweet. I found that if i fix frozen meals or Pizza for dinner. I am not a bad mom, in fact they think i am pretty cool. I now know that when my husband and i said for better or worse. He really did mean the worse part because he is still here and he is still helping.

 Who knows what I will write in one year, two years, five, or even ten, But whatever comes I will be ready. and waiting.