I know, I know! I've told my kids a hundred times (each) that life isn't fair blah blah blah...but geez!
The RA always gets it's own way. ALWAYS. And there is no 'mom' to mediate the issue. I have lots of people on my side, from my wonderful husband to my oh-so-patient-with-this-patient rheumatologist, but that doesn't matter. RA -100 / Beth - 0!
That's not to say I don't push it and gain some yards. I do. Ya gotta live, right? But sometimes, without warning or even any real provocation, the RA comes pushing back with a vengeance and not only takes back all my hard won semblance of normalcy but sacks me like a bad quarterback with no front line! (I am jonesing for football, can you tell?)
I am taking up golf (my rheumatologist doesn't know this yet, so don't tell him before I see him, ok?). Lots of business done on the course, etc. etc. So I join a women's networking/golf organization and a few of my clients registered us as a foursome for an event on the 21st. I can't wait. I just got a set of clubs yesterday and planned to hit the driving range this afternoon and play a few holes over the weekend.
The RA has other ideas. I am exhausted. My wrists, hands, knees and feet hurt terribly. I feel like a truck hit me. I want to go home and nap for a long, long time. AND I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS!!! Nothing! Just went to work and came home.
Had a CMAA dinner meeting last night but left early and was home and in bed long before I normally would be. Didn't even have any beer! And why did I go to bed early? So I wouldn't be overtired and would feel good to hit the darn driving range today!
IT'S NOT FAIR!!!
What else can I say? Feeling for you --- and also looking forward to when I'm a granny too, however, - and hoping my daughter doesn't come down with RA in the meantime!
Just came back from a vacation, where, to my shock, I actually did better than expected (was able to walk the one-mile Marginal Way coast walk [this is Maine] not once but twice - all of maybe not quite a mile each time. That's progress after surgery 18 months ago on my ankle, didn't dare do even half of it last year.
But - I know that it won't last, just have to take it one day at a time, and try and appreciate each thing I'm able to do. My survival technique is to pat myself on the back at each completed task. Usually that's something "real exciting" like, doing the dishes, vacuuming one floor of the house ... spending a little time sewing a quilt (machine, not by hand). If I were to continually focus on what I can't do (like crochet) I'd go nuts.
So - stay with it, girl, do what you can and that in itself can be a gift!
(There is always someone else worse off ... not to be negative, but helps me keep things in perspective!)
Good for you for surviving a wonderful vacation! Very brave of you only 18 mos. after ankle surgery. I'm glad you were able to do it!
I do revel in the small victories (being able to take notes during a meeting, going a whole month without having to take a day off work because I can't get out of bed) and, for the most part, am very positive.
My motto is that there are people in life with real problems, and I'm not one of them. I have aches and pains and inconveniences, but no real problems.
And, by the way, I DID go to the driving range yesterday and hit a large bucket of balls and even had 2 beers afterward! SO THERE!
Of course, today I'm not doing much...
And being a G-ma (which is what my babies call me) is the very best thing ever. EVER.
Hurray! I'm so glad you got your golfing day in! It's OK to rest before and after - it's the being-able-to-do-it that counts! (for me, it's being able to accompany the choir in a special anthem that a friend has written for the 125th anniversary of the church - and to think I contemplated wrist surgery this summer. So glad I didn't! I had a feeling that somehow, I'd need my wrist, and that it would be ok. And it is! (but yes, I'm taking it easy in between!)
Have a great week!
E
What a blessing to be able to participate in such a special event! I've found myself putting off treatments until after I've done what I want to to...sometimes my doctor understands, sometimes he doesn't.
Take care
Beth