Just begining

No need to apologize, we're all here for each other.  I was diagnosed in June of 2008 and went through several medications before starting Enbrel almost 5 months ago.  The Methotrexate sucked the life out of me and I hope I never have to take it again.  With Enbrel, I feel more like my old self again and I'm "very active", maybe you should consider trying one of the biologics (Enbrel, Humira, etc.).  Right now the only meds that I'm taking are the weekly Enbrel injections and daily Naproxyn.  I'm 42 years old, have two kids and a grandbaby on the way (my youngest son is 14 and very involved in sports), I commute 2 hours a day back and forth to work, I play league tennis, work in my yard every weekend, go to Southern Miss college football games, hunt, fish, ride 4-wheelers, I just do whatever I want to.  I do have occasional bad days and I just try to rest up if I'm feeling tired and or achy.  You hang in there and sooner or later you'll find something that works for you.  I wish you all the best!! 

We all know that feeling, in big ways and small ones.  I personally have a melt down about twice a month. I go to a favorite spot along the river or a good view of the valley I live in and then I just let it ALL OUT.  I scream ,I cry, I curse and sometimes I just sit quiet and listen to the water or the birds or the wind ,  and try remember "I am still alive, and RA WILL NOT take everything away from me."

     It's hard with meds ( I take up to 8 drugs a day for all my ailments) plus Enbril. I also take vitimin supplements to help ease the toxic mix in my body. It gets confusing and frustraiting and saddening...sometimes the saddness is what hurts the most. I have a 20yr and a 10yr old and going through a divorce with a man that was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease just about 5 months ago. Lily, my 10 yr old , is hit the worst because both her parents now have degenerative uncurable diseases.  But she is my savoir, my angel on earth. She is so intune with me, she knows when I'm over doing or when I've forgotten to take a med. 

So don't worry, we ALL know about the fears, the worries, the anxieties.

Hi and Welcome!   It's very hard to be where you are, until you find that you're not alone.  No one really understands unless they've been through something similar, and even then - it's still 'You, You, You' who has to deal with it.  That's the difficult part.  I hated having to spend so much time and energy just to barely do what I used to do - and some things had to go.  We're forced to prioritize what is important, and what is most important is to take care of yourself, SO you are able to do what you most need to do. 

     That said, you should probably let your doctor know that what you are taking is not working well enough for you. Don't wait until your next scheduled appointment, at least call them.  Most rheumatologists are pro-active about helping their patients to be in a more functional state, less fatigue, and preventing joint damage.  There are more effective meds than MTX (though that is sufficient for some), but they do come with some risks, so often MTX is tried first.  You may want to read up on the DMARDS (MTX is one but there are several others) and the "biologics" that usually are injected or from an IV.  These are specially-designed proteins that either neutralize the inflammatory factors in the blood, or bind to them and get them out of the body.  They do reduce immunity so they have to be used with care, and you must follow certain precautions. 

     My doctor was going to start me on MTX but my liver enzymes were high.  Since I tested postive for anti_CCP antibodies (means more risk of joint damage), he tried Remicade first - I had some problems with that, so eventually I decided on Enbrel and asked him specifically for it.  It's a self-injectable med taken once or twice a week, depending on dosage.  And I can do it on my own schedule, without having to go to the doctor. 

     Just wondering, are you taking folic acid?  that is often very helpful to people on MTX and helps to prevent some of the side effects, from what I have heard or read.

     Good luck, and let us know how things turn out.

You're not whining. You're having an entirely normal reaction to being diagnosed with a chronic illness and learning to live with it. The first year is very hard - you have to adjust your idea of you who you are, find a medication that works well for you, grieve the loss of health and it's not for the faint of heart. I can highly recommend a book called The First Year with Rheumatoid Arthritis (for a review of the book and if an interview with its author, click here), as well as our area for the newly diagnosed, which contains posts on all kinds of different aspects of life with RA, including a post on working with RA. I would also recommend that you find yourself a counselor to work through the feelings you have and develop coping mechanisms that can help you long-term - counselors who specialize in cognitive therapy can be especially helpful for people who live with chronic illness and pain.

You may want to talk to rheumatologist about options for treatment - perhaps methotrexate is not the right drug for you or maybe you need a combination therapy of methotrexate and one or more other DMARDs (disease modifying antirheumatic drugs).

the good news is that the prognosis for RA has changed dramatically in the last 10 years. There are so many options for treatment now that it should be possible for you to lead a relatively normal life. Yes, you will need to be a little kinder to your body, perhaps ask for more help (I know, easier said than done), perhaps do things a bit more slowly, but with the advances in treatment like the Biologics, many people are living very well with this disease. I've lived with it for over 40 years (got it when I was four years old) and have use a wheelchair since I was 16 - in the past year, I've had two doctors separately tell me that if I got RA today, I wouldn't end up in a wheelchair.  I have a masters degree and I've worked full time, now I work part time as a writer. It is possible to have a very good life with RA. This disease doesn't change who you are, it just changes how you do things.  However, it does take a while to get to the point where the RA your feelings about it are reduced to muttering in the background.

Welcome to the site. We have a wonderful community of very supportive users, so ask as many questions as you want and blow off as much steam in SharePosts as you need. We've been where you are, we know how you feel.  it's one of the most powerful things in the world to be among people where you can be truly yourself.