Depression-Is there light out there?

I understand alot of what you are saying, I have struggled with depression my whole life and it can more debilitating than RA. Everyone here can feel ya.

 Please, muster up what ever you have and fight this. Fight the depression, Fight RA. Don't let them win!! This is your life and the control is yours. Get with your docs, get some help, there is no shame in taking back your life. Find a counselor, they are out there and it really does help. I think about that old "Santa Claus looking counselor" I used to see all the time because he taught me how to question my feelings and actions and health problems in a way that will stay with me forever. And yes I took anti-depressants off and on for years, because its ok to need a little help once in a while.

 The meds we take are kinda hard sometimes and our prognosis isn't a shiny star. But you are a shiny star and a warrior.

 The people around you love and care about you immensely, and you have a family here to talk to and vent to whenever you need.

Please get some help, do it for your hubby and your family but most of all do it for you.

Read some of the posts here, listen to the struggles, you can't do it without a tear or two falling. Get some strenghth from your friends here, we're all feeling ya sugar and I for one care. We'll help pick you up

Nan

Laurie,

Please seek immediate mental help. Yes I get to feel that way. I do scare myself & that's usually when I know that I need to reach out to someone else. This disease (and many like it) rob us of so much, Don't ledt it take your life away too. Couselors may be able to help. Your doctor needs to know what is happening because this may also be a side effect of one or more of the medications that you are on. PLEASE, call the doctors right away. If they're not there leave a message with the service. Explain that it is important. Reach out for help.

I'm so glad you got off the methotrexate - although depression is normal when you have first been diagnosed with a chronic illness, the depth of your depression sounded organic in nature. Just to be sure, you might want to ask your family doctor for some blood tests, to check things like thyroid, etc.  And while you're there, ask for some antidepressants - when you're under stress for a long time (like when you're learning to cope with a new reality), it actually changes your brain chemistry, interfering with your ability to uptake serotonin and that can cause depression.

That said, I would also highly recommend counseling, especially cognitive therapy.  Over my 40 years of living with this disease, I've seen several counselors, but the one that helped the most, the one who helped me change my thinking about myself and the disease and give me tools that I still use to cope was the psychiatrist specializing in cognitive therapy.

One of the biggest issues in learning to live well with this disease is trying to find control of your life, which isn't easy, considering that RA is hard to control. Medication is key, so I hope you and your new rheumatologist can find some meds that can help suppress your symptoms - nothing depresses you more than being in pain. I can highly recommend a book called The First Year with Rheumatoid Arthritis - it's a fantastic book that covers all aspects of life with this disease and is very helpful, both for people who have just been diagnosed, but also for those of us who've lived with it for longer. You can read more about this book and an interview with its author here.

And lastly, I hope you continue to use this community the way you did with the SharePost. Sharing how you really feel with people who know what that is like without having to mask the depth of despair can be incredibly healing. We are here for you.

Laurie, When I read your post this morning I was really concerned. I prayed I could say something that would help. I know the Methotrexate is hard on your system and it is good to stop taking it, but you need to take something for the RA. As for thyroid I know about how depressed and nervous you can become when it is low. My mom and daughters and I all have low thyroid. My mom would become hostile verbally and depressed when she wasn't getting enough thyroid. I think she lost a lot of friends with her attitude. When the doctors determined she needed natural thyroid and not synthetic which didn't work, she became normal, got back her energy and things went well till another doctor gave her synthetic thyroid a few years later and it started all over. I don't know why docs insist that natural thyroid doesn't work except it doesn't bring in big bucks like the synthetic. I think there is a connection between thyroid and RA. The immune system can damage the thyroid gland and also attacks the healthy parts of our bodies which is RA. Mine all came together after the birth of my first baby. So proper meds can make all the difference. Please take care of yourself and know you are loved by your husband and family. They need you to be ok and we need for you to be ok too. Bon