Wednesday, February, 10, 2010
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What is my purpose in life?

Ching Chan

Ching Chan

Saturday, June 13, 2009
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I'm 22, a senior attending Penn State University, and I'll be graduating this December. I just spent the past three months in Shanghai, China studying abroad. While I was in Shanghai I noticed that some of my joints, actually a lot of my joints, were hurting. A lot. It got so bad I couldn't even take notes during my morning class because I couldn't even hold my pencil. After a month of doctors visits, they finally confirmed that I had rheumatoid arthritis. Not exactly the type of souvenir I was expecting to bring home.

 

I read that it is important to maintain a good relationship with a rheumatologist. I'm kind of at a lost because the doctors I saw are in Shanghai. The specialist was a friend of the family, so he prescribed my treatment. I'm supposed to take the medications for 4 years. I'm currently taking Methotrexate, Celecoxib, Leflunomide, and some type of rabeprazole sodium enteric-coated tablets. However, I don't really understand Chinese, so besides my own research, I have no idea if these medications are right for me. In addition, I can't talk to my doctor because 1) he's in China 2) I don't really speak chinese well enough to understand medical terms. The reason I'm doing things this way is because I do not have medical insurance, and it is just cheaper to buy half year supply of medication from China and ship it out to me. 

 

I think I'm still in denial. I couldn't possibly have a chronic illness. I don't want to deal with it. When I think that I could have to deal with this pain for the rest of my life, I get so overwhelmed. Just the other I was woken up by sharp pains in one finger. One finger.

 

Currently, I'm having trouble making a fist. When I think that I could lost functionality in my hands, I get scared. How am I suppose to work in the future? What kind of career am I suppose to find with RA? I'm supposed to be worrying about interviews and career fairs right now, but instead I'm dealing with just trying to wake up without feeling a lot of pain. What is my purpose in life now that I'm "broken"?

 

 

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