Thank you, thank you, thank you for a very informative post. What with my RA problems, and my husband's diabetes and high blood pressure, intimacy has become infrequent due to frustrations on both sides. We have been married for 32 years, and yes things wane a bit after being married for so long, but seeing something like this in writing makes me want to try new things. We seem to move along in our daily lives and forget some of the things that we enjoyed when we were first together. I have found that my husband doesn't approach me if he sees that I am in pain or may know that my next infusion is coming and the last 10 days or so is not the best time for any type of intimacy. I will definitely reread your post often.
Paula
you're very welcome! I hope this post can be helpful to you and your husband.
You're right - our partners do seem to learn when it's a good time to approach us, and when might not be. However, I've found that communicating out loud usually works better. Sometimes, your partner might assume that you hurt too much to get close, where you might be willing to give it a try, even if it isn't going to lead more than just fooling around. Having foreplay for days can be really fun. 
thanks for your comment!
Lene,
I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for not being shy about this topic as I think it is something that most people are thinking about but don't want to discuss.
Cathy
I believe that being shy contributes to the part where most doctors will not initiate a conversation about sex. I once had a doctor talk to me about methotrexate, but not mention the risk of severe birth defects, for crying out loud! I've since stopped being shy and in the process, would like to believe that I have trained several doctors to not make assumptions about their patients.
thanks for popping by and commenting!
Yikes. That is scary. I still remember the day my rheumy went through the list of side effects (birth defeats included). Everything was told to me in a very monotone voice as I sat on the table with tears streaming down my face. A very sad day. I remember the birth defects scaring me the most since I was still in my 30's at the time. :(
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I'm so grateful to see an article about a topic that is so hard to discuss. I know how difficult it has been for my husband and I to maintain our intimacy and sex lives... between his bad back and my RA, we were about to give up. But it's made us remember how important touching, feeling, caressing and all that fun kid stuff like making out in the car or on the couch, really is.
I have really bad problems with my hips, knees and shoulders and with his back problems we've found that the best position for us is the number 4 on this page: http://www.orthop.washington.edu/PatientCare/OurServices/Arthritis/Articles/SexandArthritis.aspx#LiveTabsContent82644
Although we modify it by putting the female right leg between the mans legs for better "connectivity". :) With this, there isn't any weight from one person on the other. Surprisingly enough there is very little stress on the hips, knees or the shoulders and it has made all the difference for us because we don't hurt or risk injury by using this position. The only thing we miss is the ability to kiss / hug during sex, but we make sure to have plenty of that before and after.
I hope this article helps someone get something fun back in the bedroom. These diseases take so much from us and this is one thing we don't have to lose. And like Lene says, even if you're not sure if your body is willing but your brain is, try it - most times the endorphins from the lovemaking makes you forget all about your pain. :)
thank you so much for sharing your tip for amending that position so it works better (by the way, "connectivity" was a wonderful way of phrasing it!
). I've seen more information about RA, chronic pain and sex this year than I have in all my years on the Internet, so people are starting to talk about it. And that's a good thing. Now, if we could only train doctors to start talking about it, as well...