A Beginners Guide to RA: Friends & Family

Exactly! Much as it can hurt, I finally realized that the people who disappear would eventually show themselves not to be the kinds of person I'd want to be around, so soemtimes, the RA can be a blessing, saving much bigger hurt down the road.  And the ones who stay are real keepers.

If the commercial showed a woman bounding up the stairs, layndry basket under one arm, toddler on the other hip, I'd get excited. That'd actually be relevant.  Drug companies - are you listening??

I think so many of the things experienced by people with a severe illness or a chronic condition overlap. Some of us have pain, some of us have other things, but we all have what I called the "ick factor". Or I can get all scholarly and start talking about Erving Goffman's book "Stigma: Notes on the Management of a Spoiled Identity", which despite being decades old and somewhat outdated in certain of the concepts, still packs a punch. But bottom line is that it's about other people's inability to deal with the ick and us trying to be seen without the ick patina...

Yes! Yes! Yes! (She yells at her lap top). That is EXACTLY it. You are brilliant.

I lost some of the people I thought were close with a breast cancer experience. Finding out that I was irrelevant unless I was doing or being for them was the worst part of cancer. Now I can't see myself telling anyone about health problems to prevent that invalidation that still stings.

roddie

I lost some of the people I thought were close with a breast cancer experience. Finding out that I was irrelevant unless I was doing or being for them was the worst part of cancer. Now I can't see myself telling anyone about health problems to prevent that invalidation that still stings.

roddie

but for all the people who can't cope their are so many others who will surprise you and truly step up! please don't feel that you must keep health problems to yourself.

take good care-

Laurie

People leaving because you can't do what you used to do for them is one of the most painful things about having a chronic or serious illness. LauireK is right, though - for every person who disappoints you, there's another who will surprise you in a good way. Don't keep it a secret.  It's exhausting to pretend and takes energy away from what you need to do.  Also, if you're open about where you're coming from, you'll never have to worry that the people around you will leave when they find out.

Glad I could help! Now if only some of the idiots would go get some therapy, then maybe we wouldn't have to go to our own therapists quite so much...

She'll get it eventually. But it's hard when you're doing your best to be a good listener and an understanding friend - little thoughtless remarks like that have a way of burrowing under your shields and hurting more because they are from a friend. From whom you expect better. Sarcasm is good, gallows humor of the blackest kind can be very helpful, but you know what helped even more for me? That I myself finally accepted (ok, started to accept) that I can't move like lightning and when people make comments, I respond in a very factual, calm way, basically saying "it's the way it is, I can't do things the way I used to. Suck it up - I have to, so I don't see why you can't". Of course, usually phrased in a somewhat gentler way.

I hear you.  Some days, you don't even have the energy to get irritated at the dimwits, do you?

Thanks for commenting - hope today will be a good one for you.