A Beginners Guide to RA: Friends & Family

"Gotta Go!"
Some of the people you know now may leave after your diagnosis. If your relationship with the person is activity based -- you run together or go clubbing on the weekends -- and you can no longer do that activity, making the transition to a relationship based in something else can be difficult. As well, many healthy people find it uncomfortable to hear about pain and illness, to the point where they figuratively stick their fingers in their ears, close their eyes and chant "la, la, la" until you stop talking. When they leave, it is because they need to get away from the discomfort and luckily for them, they can. This one hurts. A lot. I've found some comfort in the idea that people are in your life for "a reason, a season or a lifetime," but in the end, you can only grieve and move on.

The thing about learning curves is that in order to learn, you have to make mistakes. In the relationships with your friends and family, you are the expert on RA and it puts the onus of education on you during a time when you're already busy dealing with the situation yourself. You shouldn't accept hurtful statements and behavior, but if you can see that the person is making mistakes while loving you and willing to learn, take the time to talk and work it through. Although RA may pose challenges, it can also be a gift. It can deepen relationships, making them less about the surface and more about the real you. Being able to roll with the changes that are part of living with a chronic illness can teach you and the people in your life to roll with other changes, to grow together and create lasting relationships.