A Beginners Guide to RA: Love & the Horizontal Tango

RA can affect your energy levels, so you may end up using all your energy getting through your day, wanting to use your bed only for sleep. But here's something the rheumatologists don't often tell you: sex is a fantastic painkiller. In addition to making you feel cared for, sexual arousal and orgasm releases endorphins (similar to opiates) that make you feel good, relaxed and in less pain. Keep in mind that because of this, you may be tempted to do more than your body will like in the morning, so don't go swinging from the chandelier unless you have very few plans for the next day.

When you have RA, safe sex means more than just protecting yourself against STDs and unwanted pregnancy. If you're on methotrexate, use two kinds of birth control with a high effectiveness rate as the drug can cause severe birth defects (your doctor will be able to give you more information). As well, you need to be careful of joints that are damaged (for a list of sexual positions that ease the strain on your joints and what to avoid, click here for a recent article by Dr. Mark Borigini). You can also go here for a website with information and illustrations regarding sex for people who have chronic pain or disabilities. Both these links may help reassure your partner if s/he is worried about hurting you.

If limited mobility or pain makes intercourse difficult for you, there are many other things you can try. To ease the strain on aching arms, hands and jaws, you can use props and toys like vibrators, dildos, feathers, food, etc. Don't be afraid to try new things - books, movies and the internet offer inspiration, try role-playing, talking sexy or getting a little kinky and unusual. As long as it involves consenting adults and you're both having fun, there's no wrong way of having sex. And for the times where sex is just not an option, cuddling and emotional intimacy can be very satisfying, letting you express the love you have for each other in a less physically demanding way.

It may take a while to find a way that works for you and your partner, but keep the lines of communication open and remember that sex is play for adults, so don't take it too seriously.

See also:

Beginner's Guide to RA: How to Dealth With Friends and Family

You can read more of Lene's writing on The Seated View.