Reality Check

Lene the scenario you describe is exactly where I found myself last school year, one cold January Friday night, arriving home at 7 p.m. from a long week of try SO hard to do and create the activities and environment I know I want my young learners to have....well, I was unable to even get out of my car.  Horrible pain in my knees just radiated everywhere.....the beginning of a long flare.  I made it to the end of the school year but moved onto disability this past year.  Being less pushed, I feel lots better, but miss the purposeful joy of teaching SO MUCH that I am giving it another go this upcoming year.  Exactly what you describe in your post is what I must do, prioritize, delegate, insisit on time for myself..to rest, socialize, eat well, and exercise. Sometimes that will mean leaving some things not done, or done less intensely at school.  I think my students will benefit more from a healthier me than from everything being "perfect". Time will tell....I wish you strength in your quest for balance......between our aspirations and our abilities is a constant struggle!

Hi Lene,

This RA-will sure let us know who's really the boss, which can be a good thing in a lot of ways! I'm glad you are taking time for you because you deserve it. You are alway's helping so many people-including me, and i can't thank you enough!

Cheryl

I am not sure but I think it has been my strong German Protestant roots that always says not to be idle and to always do for other people. Both my grandmothers were busy till the day they died. One grandmother had RA and did not have the benefits of the drugs we have today to use for pain or to stem the progress of the RA and at nearly ninety she was rolling bandages for a group at her church to "give to the old people". So in thinking over your post about pain and our lists that are too long I got to thinking about the weekend. I have been having a lot of problems with my back due to OA and degeneration. This causes pain down my leg also. I have dealt with this for many years but of course we all try to "balance" the things we do, except when something comes up. This last weekend the flipper thing on the toilet hung up and before anyone noticed there was an inch of water on the bathroom floor and it had gone under the carpet. Yeah, I lost it. Reason, I had asked for this flapper thing to be fixed a long time ago. Long story short I was stomping/sopping up water and had five loads of towels to wash. I spent three days with a fan on the carpet and now it looks awful but I think is dry. I am now completely sore and achy. I hate it. We can cut out a lot of stuff but then we have "emergency" demands and it does not matter if we are feeling ok, the emergency knocks out anything we might have built up. Yeah, I am whiney, sorry. I mean I take all kinds of meds to function like a "normal" person. But guess what, I am not other people's normal, I am my normal. I guess the thing that is hard for me is that I live around a lot of people who do not undertand what it takes for me, as a person with RA, to do/give out the energy when I do everyday things. When I cut out things they just do not get it because I "look fine" to them. So this year I had decided to learn to say "No" to people who demand from me. It is harder than it sounds. I have tried to shrink the lists that I seem to love so much, that make me feel I am accomplishing things. I am trying to be comfortable in my normal. Pardon me now, I think I will go knit on a sock.

Hi,

So, being very new to RA, when I had a few days of feeling pretty good, what did I do? I resumed my "normal" life. Yesterday afternoon, the fatigue really kicked back in, last night, the pain. This morning hasn't been too wonderful either.

What my brain told me was that maybe I feel horrible because it's the day before I take the MTX again, and after I take that, maybe everything will be good again. But now reading this? I'm thinking maybe my brain is wrong and I over did it.

Thanks for the insight and another book reccomendation!!

Ish

my dear lene,

i couldnt help but cry when i read ur post.. i didnt mean to, but i have been in pain for the past 1.5 weeks . i do a little bit of yoga every day, cook 3 times, clean the house and what not... but all this i have to do with so much pain... i dont feel like living at timess.... i am not a negative person but the pain just cracks up old wounds..

u r taken back to life as u knew it before RA. i am sobbing uncontrollably as i type this..

my husband is not into western meds, and he forces me to take homeo. i doled out a fortune for the homeo meds too. i dont know if its wrking or not.. so far the pain is just on the right elbow. but i am having a hard time. when i was on MTX and plaquenil, i felt so much better.. but now i am in canada, a new country, with no health insurance and no job.. so i cant go to a rheumatologist either.. and the weather here is driving me mad..

i am whining i know.. but at this stage, there is nothing more we can do but to accept this damn disease has us under its thumb.

Thanks for the reminder! Everytime I do too much, and I've learned that means both physically AND mentally, RA rears it's ugly head rather loudly. Yesterday was one of those days and I learned by necessity to take it easy. Time/life management is hard for us type-A personalities! But, I believe old dogs can learn new tricks.

Hi lene. I am sorry to hear abt your bad nights. i have had similar situation. although i can say i think my RA gets worse in summer months for sure. not sure why. i live on pain meds all the time.  i have learned to simplify my life over the past 3&1/2 yrs. i used to be soooo active and always doing for everyone else. always on the go. its a hard thing when you are faced with slowing down and limiting yourself when you are in so much pain. it was so hard for me. i figured that there is only one of me and i need to care for myself first so i can care for others!! the "stuff will be there later"

I want to take your earlier advice and post more abt my experiences and my new business of jewelry. its been theraputic for me and now i am having sales and a show coming up. its givin me something fun to do amongst all this pain. hope it helps, remember KISS(keep it simple silly) haha, colleen

Thank you Lene, for being so transparent. I am sure that it will help a lot of people.

I don't think that pain is always a result of what we have done, but we have to learn to do our best to take care of ourselves. It is our responsibility because - I realize - hey! who else could or would do it? We must be the ones to set our boundaries.

Like we need another thing to do... haha.

Kelly

www.rawarrior.blogspot.com

a great reminder that there is usually always a new way to look at our lives and re-examine what we truly need and value in them.  I'm glad to hear the painful nights have lessened. Thanks for another beautiful post that made me pause.