Forgiveness

Lene,

I just do not know how you know where I am on certain days. Thanks again because this speaks to me.

Becky

Lene,

What a beautiful way to start my day today.  Surrender, love, and forgiveness.... of ourselves.  Taking a deep breath and opening the heart to appreciation of abilities and can do's.  Thank you for this reminder.

Lene, how right on you are!  I have had RA for about 50 years now and spent many years as an angry, negative fearful person.  Therapy and self hypnosis helped me come to grips with my attitude and, you know what?  The unexpected happened; when I forgave myself, I went into remission.  Oh, yes, I have had flares since, but I no longer beat myself up or believe the flare will last forever; the flares have been less frequent and shorter.  I can say that now, I am truly enjoying my life.

Thanks for the post Lene. In a good way, RA is causing me to rethink how I view myself, others, and God!

Thanks for your transparancy, Lene, I always say it's not like you can "forgive the RA and make it go away."

Haha.

But this is a different spin on the same point. I always tell people:

"this is not your fault" or "it's normal to feel that way" but knowing those facts does not matter. You still have to walk through it. And and let go. Bless you, Lene 

I cried through your article. It really said what I needed to hear today. I'm a teacher off for the summer, but still flaring,miserable and wondering how I can face another ten years of work. Maybe after a few more reads I'll be able to settle down and take care of myself for today.

Lene, you are so good with words.  So often your posts put into black and white what I am not able to communicate.  Thank you!

beautifully written and beautifully said. I  have been there

Lene, i love your posts, they always give me a reason to hope.  thank you from my heart.

Your post is so insightful, very simple to to understand and I think so many see ourselves in your writing.  Those of us with chronic pain, who have suffered through the years, find ourselves unwillingly in this role of hating our bodies for giving up on the rest of what we have; our minds - so young still, my mind if I had to age it is still a teenager. I want to pull pranks on people, see their reactions. I want to act silly by dressing up in crazy clothes and walk down the street. My mind is so young, and yet I am betrayed by my body.

Yes, there is a hatred that builds there. But like you, we train ourselves not to thinks about it. Just like we do when someone we love hurts us...we turn our heads to what ever it was that hurt us. We don't attack it head on because it is so painfull to look at. It is painful to discuss, painful to talk about, painful to explore.

Your post is so simple, yet so deep in thought. I never, truly looked at forgiving myself for the chronic pain. My statement has been in the past, when first diagnosed with RA, 'What have I done that was so mean to others that I deserve this life of pain?'  I felt like I was singled out to have chronic pain for the rest of my life because I'd lived a life that was not as it should be. What had I done to others to hurt them? I had always practiced the golden rule. I always walked around with a smile on my face, etc.

I have other issues with my family that I am working so hard on forgiveness with them.  I truly do believe how important forgiveness is in your life.  I have never realized how much I truly did blame my body for the pain I endure on a daily basis.  Most people with chronic pain will tell you, they have to work very hard to not think about the pain.  It is only when you think about pain and concentrate on it, that it becomes too large to handle. So like you and many others, I have been stuffing this down for years. 

Thank you so much for an eye opening subject.  I think a lot of people will benefit from your insightful post!

Blessings,

Mary

Thanks Lene

for posting this beautiful encouraging article.....

I am having RA from last 5 yrs now.....first 2 yrs were really bad...i almost became bedridden....more than RA it was my inner self which was not ready to accept this fact....which was the main reason for worsening my RA...the day i started accepting it and determined to fight it ...i was much much better....

i believe in the ULTIMATE POWER...i belive that someone is there in this Universe which listenes to u.....and when u open up ur self...u definately get lot of courage, hope and confidence to fight......

and the path which is best for u opens up...

I am much better now....i have a lovely daughter and an understanding husband....which i thought was impossible before...

thanks

Anandita

Wow.  What a powerful message.  As I read your essay, I see I am exactly where you were before you forgave your body.  This was very helpful.  I am going to look up your other postings.  Thank you. 

Dear Lene,

     Your post brought me to tears.  I am just beginning treatment for my RA and have been talking with nurse friends about how I want to be emotionally, spiritually and physically ready for this life-long challenge.  While still trying to "clean up" dealing with denial, anger, depression and confusion regarding my diagnosis and pending treatments, I want to approach the aggressive therapies with love toward my body.  I have been thinking recently about cancer patients and how they visualize their body attacking the cancer.  I cannot approach this as a "war", because it would be a war against my own body that has gone haywire.  I must love.

     Upon beginning my first journaling experience for myself today, your post will be on my first page.  Reminding me to love my body, to forgive the processes that have gone wrong to bring it to this painful place, and to give thanks for all my body has done for me throughout my life (and hopefully in the future).

     Thank you, Lene.  

This was beautiful and spoke to my heart, so much that I have wanted say and have felt.

Thank You! Mae

what you wrote is how I have felt for months now, I really have hated my body.

I am a forgiving person of others, it's me I have a problem with. Again, thank you

so much, I will take this article to heart and change the way I see my body. and

the pain.

I can identify with what your said.  I've always taken my health for granted and when I was told I had RA it didn't dawn on me the changes I would be making.  To lose part of my freedom (to do as I wanted when I desired) and learn to take it a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time was a major step in dealing with RA.  I am working with the tools I learned in therapy when dealing with rape from my childhood.  Those tools help me in dealing with RA.  I've had to trade some of the things I am not able to do do for things I can do.  One thing I'm doing again that I hadn't done for years, is to get back into just reading for enjoyment.  As a child, I was a voracious reader and then as I entered adulthood, it got left behing with day to day living, work, etc and I usually just read the Readers Digest and things like that and maybe a book a month. Now, I read about 3-4 books a week and I am enjoying it.  The RA is letting me get back to things I used to enjoy but just never found the time for.  There are some things I still miss being able to do, but I've learned that's okay. I take pride in the things I can do.  I have planted my seasonal flowers and get to enjoy the after effect with the continual colors in my backyard.  I found if I rake the leaves in the fall a little each day after work, then I am not overwhelmed with a weekend project.  I started working from home for my company a little over a year ago when my immune system took a nosedive.  I was breaking out in hives daily at the office, scents from perfumes, lotions, cleaning products, etc were wreaking havoc on me.  Now, I feel better and I am able to do more working from home.  I still go into the office each week for our weekly meeting so I still have contact with my coworkers, but I don't feel so overwhelmed.  I try to walk everyday for about a half hour.  Sometimes that same walk gets done in 20 - 25 minutes, sometimes 40 minutes depending on how my joints are doing. I allow myself to miss a day here and there and not feel guilty.  I sometimes wonder if I was pushing myself too much and the RA was the warning light that said "hey, you need to slow down and enjoy life, not rush through it."  Whatever happens, I know that with Gods help, I'll make it through.

Hi ,

I still think I am the most prettiest thing ever happened.  I forgive people daily that have short toilets and it pains me to sit and get up.  I forgive people that have the temperature so low that my bones ache during my sleep.  I forgive people that look down on others with RA and make statements like you really need to go and get your disability.  I forgive myself for thinking that I know my limitations because it seems to be changing from day to day.  I love me and forgiveness keeps life so fresh and unassuming.  Setting RA free ..... I was angry and afraid of the life with RA.  I held on to the pain until it became unbearable ..then Why Me?  Why not me came later and clearly, my focus was fighting a good fight with Rheumatoid Arthritis and how I could be used to help others in the fight even with the pain.  

I'm doing good today.    

I hope you have a great and wonderful day and week.

UP1    

I am recovering from a summer flare-up that I was in complete denial about having.  After weeks with extreme fatigue and overall achiness I finally went to my rheumatologist with my tail in between my legs.  I am 40 years old and was diagnosed with RA at 24.  After reading your article on "Forgiveness" I cried and cried.  Every word you wrote mirrors my life right now.  I feel like I am 2 seperate identities.  My mind can do it all . . . yet at times my body just can not keep up.  I completely disassociate myself from my body to get thru life and then pay for it dearly later with needing to take extra meds. which I at times feel like they are a sign of "weakness" especially since I also do alternative remedies (suppliments, messages, accupuncture).  I've been fortunate to not have experienced many major flares but when I do, it hits me hard mentally.  I struggle "riding the wave".  Anxiety completely takes over (panic attacks, upset stomach, insomnia even with ambien).  I think how could I have let this happen?  The weather has effected me hard this summer but stress is an equal factor, too.  I have an amazingly supportive husband but even my closest friends have a hard time understanding where I go mentally during a flare.  I am usually such a strong person.  I can do it all . . . wife, mother, teacher.  Yet this summer I feel completely deflated . . . mind, body and soul.  I am improving slowly each day but just haven't reached home plate yet.  I know "FORGIVING" myself is the last step I need to take . . . that and getting a good night's sleep. I can't get my mind to slow down enough to fall asleep when I feel like *?/@#.  I am very overwhelmed right now and extremely judgmental of myself.  Any advice?  How did you reunite your mind, body & soul?  Mine need to get reacquainted again and find peace again!!!   Thank you for your time!  Stacy