Giving & Receiving Care: The Challenges

Excellent article!

Thanks for this article, it opened my eyes to just how bad RA can get.  I'm nowhere near having these problems at this time.  I do have limitations due to spine problems as a result of domestic violence years ago and it is very frustrating not being able to do things I used to.  Also, I'm just getting older. 

However, my heart goes out to all those who are so severely limited physically from caring for themselves.  And I thought that not being able to scrub my tub was a problem.  Shame on me and God Bless all of you!

Lene

Your writing is so touching!!! When I was diagnosed with RA my damages were already extensive. It was very difficult to accept that all my life I have to live with these disabilities which will increase with age. I expected my husband to treat me always with consideration and kindness, in other words treat me like a helpless kid. Instead, he treated me like a normal human being as if nothing has changed. Of course, he helps me instinctively  to ease my physical limitations but no change of attitude, the same behavior as when I was healthy. I was hurt and perplexed because I was not getting that kid glove treatment which I expected. That was the begining of my career as scientist ten years back. It took me a couple of years to understand what he was doing. He just wanted

to give me the message that our relationship  will never change and I should not start having a defeatist mentality. This has contributed a lot to the spirit I now have.

If we have fights, he goes off in a huff, only to come back to pick up anything from the floor the next minute and then goes back again in a huff to "maintain our quarrel"

as he puts it. This has worked fine during the 17 years of our married life out of which I have been a patient of RA for ten years.

I think making a balance between give and take makes a successful relationship when one partner has serious physical limitations.

Ratnapriya

this delicate balance in caretaking must be one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with a chronic disease- thank you for such thoughtful writing on it, as well as shedding light on the fact that there are those who are taken advantage of in this situation. Well done, as always, Lene!