"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!" is kind of funny until you find yourself swimming in it. I'm learning even though Denial is one of the stages of grief, you don't just deal with it once and tuck it away. Seems like I just keep visiting and revisiting it, in all kinds of creative ways!
Tell me if this sounds familiar. Since "the news" in May it's gone like this; "Ok I am RF positive, but that doesn't mean I've definitely got it, right?" Then; "Oh, oops, now I'm apparently "off the charts" with my anti-CCP rates, but that doesn't mean anything for sure, does it?" Hmmm.....but yeah, when combined with my symptoms and doctors confirmation, I really do have to accept it. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.
But wait, there's more! "Ok, but maybe I have Type 1 RA that goes into spontaneous remission and never returns"....but my blood work and the length of time I've had symptoms doesn't fit that profile. Still my Rhuemy says he's seen people either Type 2 or Type 3 go into spontaneous remission that lasts for years! Ok, I'll totally buy that one and hang on for dear life! You bet I will! That's called hope. Totally different beastie!
Still...the other way I've found denial creeping into my head is in thinking as long as I take my meds like a good girl, I'm probably just fine not making any lifestyle changes. I really hate exercise. Not the going out and having fun, the "being active" kind of exercise. That's just kinda incidental. But I've certainly never made exercise or eating right any kind of centerpiece in my life. THIS is what has to change!!
EVERYTHING I've read indicates taking action and adopting a healthy lifestyle can radically impact the course of the disease. Doesn't mean my body won't completely crap out on me at some point anyway. (That would be called "magical thinking"). BUT! Maybe it won't happen as soon or as bad! It makes me think back to the time of my pregnancies. I did my best to be UBER-healthy. My brother, a physician, would try to ply me with the occasional glass of wine. He said, correctly I'm sure, the occasional drink wouldn't hurt me. I would always come back with, "True, but if something were to go wrong, I don't want to look back and wonder, what if?" Why should my thinking about RA be any different?
So! I've taken my "big girl pill". I've jumped this bend at least, in this river "Denial", and I'm moving on! I'm taking my fish oil in addition to everything else I'm supposed to take, AND I'm doing yoga and strengthening exercises. Saying I love it would make me a big fat liar, but I'm doing it. My life has changed, and I'm just going to have to work harder than others to suck all the good stuff out of it. Thinking otherwise would be....denial.
