A Difference in Perception

I'll try to keep this one short and sweet, but here's the latest issue on which I've been ruminating (rheuminating?). Just got back from "vacation". I'm calling it "vacation" as opposed to vacation because it was really more a reminder of why I don't spend that much time with my brother. For some reason he persists with the impression his baby sis wouldn't have enough class to understudy as a Hee Haw extra. All this despite the fact I have never once, not ONCE, taken off my shoes and socks in a restaurant to pick my teeth at the table. Still....even though I'm nearly 40 my behavior appears to continue to require his constant monitoring.

The gist of it is this: I spent a week with my hubby and two kids, with his wife and five kids, on their rather large boat. (No kidding BEEEEEG BOOOOAT!) They are both physicians and know I have RA. I also made sure to mention quietly that I've been having some requisite energy issues in the hopes of receiving a certain amount of understanding and mercy. Now, they have become avid runners/bikers in the past year, which is sooooper. Really! However as a result, they tend to approach the rest of us not signing up for triathlons, with the same hopes towards conversion as Sunday morning televangelists! I was tired; I didn't want to go for a 17 mile bike ride. I just didn't! Then she said it......ugh!

"Well I just really think people are as healthy as they choose to be, don't you?"

I thought at the time it was really a pretty stupid thing to say, but it kind of just glanced off of me. But you know how it can be...couldn't sleep that night and just keep hearing it in my brain over and over and over....

What we had here was a vast difference in perception! I thought I had been doing great! I mean it! Really stinkin' GREAT! I'd gone for a picnic in the state park. I'd climbed enormous sand dunes and flown kites with the kids. I'd stayed up late to go to restaurants and even danced a few times! Besides, I've been really pleased with how well I've been taking care of myself. I exercise every day. I eat WAY better. I'm learning to economize my energy and rest when I need it. Yaaaaay me!! ...right? Well at one point after I'd just gotten up (day after my mtx thank you very much!) my brother even asked if maybe I shouldn't just go home. Maybe I would feel "more comfortable".  Felt a hell of a lot like I was being threatened with a time out!! Shape up little girl!!

I've really been pretty upset by the whole situation but here is kind of where I've ended up. I'm PROUD OF ME!! I think I have a right to be, dammit! I understand that me and this disease are going to be together for a long time and it WILL require some changes. I don't see accepting that as any kind of negative, to the contrary! By choosing what activities to involve myself in, by taking breaks and excusing myself to go to bed early, I'm FIGHTING! They perceived it as me giving up somehow. I was giving in, wallowing in sickness! I was even told that, "Wow! You've gotten really old, Amy. "