My brain is full of buckshot, just this disorganized spray of noncohesive thoughts. I think I know what Dick Cheney's hunting partner must have felt like...... Still, since the absence of a central idea has never prevented me from posting before, why stop now?
First thought: Why don't lazy people get RA?! I've yet to meet or even hear about an RA sufferer who says..... "Whew! Thank God I finally have an excuse for lazing about the house and making people fetch me things. Oh Pierre! Be a doll and fan a little faster with that palm leaf wont you? Kisses Dah'ling!" I mean, we are all (speaking for my people!) humans who generally like to be active and get things done! Now there are plenty, oh yeah baby, PLENTY of people out there who would be in heaven to semi-permanently install themselves on a couch provided a remote was placed in their hand. Why not them?! I've got, and you've got, stuff to do!! Stuff we wanna do, but where do we find ourselves?! On the damn couch! ....and worse, even with a remote it's not like there's much we enjoy watching anyway! I just lay there and see a carpet that needs vaccuming and dishes that need washing. I don't wish anyone the pain though. Don't get me wrong here. They can just have the fatigue, the fingers that don't work, the knees that don't properly bend etc. etc. See, I'm not like a total jerk or anything! I'm ...you know... just saying....why not give them the rest of it?! Maybe we could put out a sign-up sheet or something. Hand out free toasters.
Second thought: Trying to figure out the new "normal". If someone could just apply some gosh durn logic to this stupid disease I would be EXTREMELY appreciative. I like things logical, predictable. I wanna be able to plan and organize, you know, have some stinkin' general idea what my day is gonna be like! Instead it's like, wow hands are feeling better but what up with my wrists? Then after a period of NOT exercising and eating total crap, I have my best week in months! Get back on the bandwagon and then BOOM! My feet swell up! What up with THAT?!
Thought #3: I also, as dumb as it is, think about stuff like "how much pain do I have to be in to complain to my doc?" I've never been in like a total full blown flair and thank God, but still my feet hurt. Have I mentioned my feet hurt. Yeah, they do. I get the gist that hoping for no pain with this disease is probably pretty naive. But in light of those way worse off, I don't want to be a pansy every time I get a twinge either. No doubt I'm getting worse again, but again, what's normal? I used to have a pretty good feel for when to hop on the phone and when to suck it up....now I just don't know.
Random thought #4: Cats are the most hilarious creatures on the planet. More importantly, they almost without exception, dig me! See? Told ya, buckshot.
lol. i'm glad i'm not the only one who has a jumbled thought process! i don't think there is any such thing as "normal" with RA. you just hafta figure out your own "normal". and as for logic?? well... i always say "sanity is highly over rated". i totally get wishing that there was some amount of predictibility with this disease tho. it would be nice to make a plan for something and it not be marred or have to be totally disregarded when you wake up feeling like you've been run over by a semi truck. (like today, as its pouring rain, and all i want to do is sleep but here i am at work!) :) just being able to read things about how many other people are going through the same things i am makes me feel more "normal"... thank you!