Living with a fixer......

So had one of those misunderstandings with the husband that left us both feeling crappy.  Oh and yeah.....HI EVERYONE!  HEEE HEEEEE!  It started out as a "glass half full/half empty" type of issue.  I've had a pretty long stint of feeling pretty dang good!  I know, yeay me!  Well a few days back I started to experience a return of  "the tired" followed soon there after with sore feet and a kink in my knee.  So I was kinda gimping around a bit. 

It had been a long day, we'd gotten the kids tucked in and he looks at me, "So, how you been doing?"  (See, not a bad start, right?)  I said, "Well....you know. *sheepish smile*"  He says, "Yeah, I know.  It just seems like all of a sudden you're back to where you were."  I just smiled and said, "Yeah I know.  I've had a pretty good streak for a while, huh?  Honestly I feel pretty good about that."  I went on to explain that this is just how it's going to be.  This is after all how the whole RA thing works.  .....long pause.  "Well" he says, "I'm just wondering what's going on?  Are you doing anything differently?  How are you doing on your meds?" 

Now I wasn't bugged or anything but I wanted to caution him to be careful.  I told him that I was in the midst of feeling good about how well I'd been doing.  I didn't really want to go into another bout of "Holy crap I have a debilitating and painful disease!"  Been there done that.... you can go round and round with that but you end up right in the same damn spot where you began.  Done with that, ....at least for the moment.  I told him I wanted to be sure he understands when I return to feeling crappy, the first line of questions shouldn't veer toward "What did you do/what didn't you do".  I said when he does, it implies that I have WAAAAY more control over this disease than I actually do.  It just isn't that easy. 

My logic was this: As much as I would love to take the credit for when I feel good...you know "WOW AMY!  You must really be taking good care of yourself!"  I don't want that cuz then what's the flip side when you are walking down the street like some modified Quasimoto?  Yeaaahhh....control is an illusion.  I don't like it, but there it is.  I've had times of feeling crappy and doing all the things I'm sposed to do - and times of eating garbage and staying up late where I felt FABULOUS!  I still try to do the best I can and make all the lifestyle changes I can manage, but I'm not going to be able to handle feeling like I somehow messed something up if/when the bottom falls out.  Ja know?

Well the result of expressing this was making him feel like he has to walk on egg shells.  He was just trying to be supportive and let me know that he notices when I'm gimpy and he doesn't like it.  So we both sat there in silence for a bit and felt bad until we decided to talk it out a bit more.  From his perspective, he's a fixer and it just stinks to be confronted with something you can't fix.  He also doesn't want to feel like he'll get pounced on for saying the wrong thing with the wrong tone to the limpy chick.