It just doesn't ever go away, does it?

I have been living with this for the past 10 years, I'm 39 years old now and everyday is an uphill battle for me.  I have been on some heavy medications throughout the years, and my doctor continues to start me on something new when the old stuff seems to stop working.  The pain never goes away and it's hard for anyone who doesn't have this to even begin to understand someone like me.  It's getting harder at work, as well, because I can't do the things I used to and my boss and co-workers just feel that it's all in my head....I cry to myself at least 6 times a week.  i have children whom I feel like the worst mother when I can't run in the park with them or play a game of soccer because I'm terrified that I will hurt myself.  I feel selfish at times when I don't pray enough for God to allow me to take on this pain-He's gone through alot more than me and I wish I was stronger; I have raised my kids all by myself with Him by my side....I don't know why I'm going on and on...it's my way of talking it out I guess