I've been feeling pretty lousy with this rainy weather (it is afterall Fall so I'm not sure why I'm surprised.) I ended up at my rhumies office and came home with a nice cortisone injection in my shoulder for a frozen shoulder.

While I was there I did my usual labwork routine. I knew that something was off because I went from fine shoulder to not being able to move it in a couple of weeks...that's impressive even for me.

Doc called back and said that pretty much everything looked ok...ie, your labs are wonky but no more than usual. I got the email this morning when I was up at 4am with a sore foot and shoulder that I could look at my labs and when I did you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I was dx'd with JCA when I was 2...it wasn't JRA it was juvenile chronic arthritis. Don't ask me what the difference is because I don't know but I do know this, for most of my life we have waffled between PA and RA because my arthritis just didn't act like RA and I was RF negative.

Within the last few years they started to test Anti CCP and I've always been off the charts with my numbers there. So my arthritis doesn't act like RA but I had at least one link (besides synovitis when I had elbow surgery...so I guess that's two.)

Imagine my surprise when I pulled up my labs thinking they were just wonky and I found that my RF is now positive for the first time in 39 years.

The first 5 seconds felt like validation and ever since then has felt like fear. I know how crazy that sounds...it's not like I thought it was something other than RA but I guess the mind can fool us into thinking without that positive test maybe we're treating the wrong thing...or maybe after 39 years I just didn't ever think that test would pop up positive.

Honestly, I just kind of feel like I'm never going to get better. And that maybe this is as good as it gets...and believe me this isn't good enough.