scared to take new drug

Hi everyone,

I know I have not been on in such a long time.. I had some problems with my health. I was taking Methotrexate and I got really sick. I thought just feeling really bad/tired, thinking it was just the way it was on that drug. Then For Christams eve I got the flu.. I had to go off the metho. Three weeks later I went back on. Well the first three pills

I was ok.. the next three I got so sick! I mean hard to breathe! Then I could not take a deep breath at all..

So I went to me MD thinking ok I have like a virus.. Well no... My heart rate was 167 a min! my lungs were clear and he said we have to take you off the metho.. So he did and a few weeks later I went to my RA doc and I felt better breathing wise. I could take a deep breath, and it did not hurt. But... My hands! my right hand is worse then my left.

So my RA doctor says to me. you do know celebrex will not slow this down.. and since I can not have any steroids  because they make my heart go crazy he can not give me that. He said I can treat you, but you will be harder to treat. He really wants me to go on remecade. He said he would not strong arm me. But.. as he looked at my hand he said no matter if you go on Reacade or not I have to see you in two months..

So he put me on Leflunomide. That is NOT the brand name. If is ONLY for RA..

But. I am so scared!  Anyone scard to take new drugs besides me? I know I have to I mean I can see my hands! The pain is unreal and he did give me a pain killer and I am scared to take it. I know big baby! I just want this to go away, but every time I see  my RA  doctor it is another smack in the face that this is not just going away. It is getting worse! So the nurse there is checking into my insurance co and remestart program to get me started. I do like my doctor. He takes so much time with me explaning things to me. he does not bully you, but he does tell you how it is. I can see it! my hands are a mess..

Help  me please just take this dam drug and feel safe.. :(