February is the month for Love, Valantines Day brings out the best in couples, we share cards, flowers, candy, dinner out and maybe even more romance after dinner. I want to talk about the other months and days of the year though, the more mundane day to day, and to me, the more important kind of love.
Sure, Valentines Day is nice, we exchanged cards, I gave my wife some candy (so we could share it!) and a new cookbook she wanted (I am no dummy!). We had a great romantic dinner at home as well. What we share though goes much deeper than a special day here and there. I believe we truly are soul mates. Let me explain.
Laurie and I have been married going on 19 years now, together for 20. I cannot believe how fast time flies by, it seems like just yesterday I asked her to marry me. I remember our first date. We went out for dinner at a local restaurant and talked and talked...... until the waitress finally asked us to leave! We then went to my apartment and talked for several more hours! We have been pretty much inseperable ever since.
Laurie has Fibro, she flares quite often with it and has had no relief from the meds available for it. She does use OTC meds and gets by with those and her heating pad for bad days. I always tried the best I possibly could to take care of her, try to make things easier for her and help out wherever I could.
About eight years ago I started having a lot of pain in my hands and feet, which moved to include my wrists, ankles, elbows and shoulder. After a particularly bad swelling event and trip to the ER while I was home in between business trips I was DXd with RA, Sjogrens, Raynauds, which led to Diabetes and Addisons in short order. My RA is Severe/Aggresive and I soon found myself in need of care instead of trying to offer it. Sounds like this would be a rough patch in a marriage, but in fact it brought us closer.
I admit, it was hard for me to let go of my career, and to have to rely more and more on Laurie for things I used to take for granted that I could do myself. We had many discussions, and I finally came to terms with it. Laurie on the other hand, seems to have accepted this huge change in our relationship in stride and just kept right on doing what she has always done, take great care of me! This new life of ours, my being home 24/7, has us together for all meals, doing things together morning to night, and with few exceptions, even doing the mundane things like grocery shopping or a trip to library togther.
Sounds like a primer for battle lines to be drawn........... but it is not! I truly think we both "get it", we cannot do the things we used to do, and thats okay, together we have found new things to share interests in. Sometimes a trip to the grocery store, stop at the beach and a light lunch out is a great date for us, sometimes we just stay home and play with the dog. In any case, we ENJOY being with each other. There are days when one or both of us just cannot take on the days activities, we both get that as well. We know when to push each other, and when to just let each other rest and offer whatever assistance we can to each other.
We use seperate bedrooms these days. Both of us are far too tender and sore to be bumping into each other in the middle of the night. We sleep better apart, and it works for us. All in all, sex is a small part of a true love relationship on our part. Being together, sharing our lives and experiences is far more important to us than the physical romance part of our relationship is, or ever could be. I can truly say I LOVE my wife, and she makes my life all the much better for being in it. I do not know what I would do with out this wonderful woman, who means so much to me, in my life.
Thats Valentines Day to me, not just a splashy, one day romantic gesture. More of a chance to say THANK YOU my dear wife for all you do and all you make possible in my life.
Published On: February 23, 2012