Sometimes I get so caught up in my own self-loathing and self-pity.  I am too busy dwelling on the things I can no longer do and I am too busy throwing pity parties for myself to notice the truly important things.  I forget one of the most important things that has pulled me through the toughest times in my life.  And when I sit and think about it, I mean REALLY think about it....well, the world is perfect and my life is wonderful once again.

Matt

Matt was my high school sweetheart.  He was one of those boys who, when he looked at you, seemed like he could look right into your soul with his big brown eyes.  He was so intelligent, and it was very attractive on him.  At 16 we started dating.  We met in boarding school so we didn't really have a chance to date and our relationship was built purely on letters and notes.  I soon found that I was able to open up to him, not just about the good things about me, but I was able to open up about the bad things.  I was able to tell him my deep dark secrets, and he loved me, the good and the bad. 

Fighting for our love

I fell so hard for him.  It was a feeling I never in my life had experienced.  It scared me and I felt vulnerable.  And why I tried numerous times to make up reasons to break up with him and sabotage our relationship, each time he let me know he wasn't going anywhere.  He fought for our love.

We married

At 18, just one month after graduation, we married.  It was a little ceremony at a place called Miracle Mansion in Eureka Springs, Arkansas.  My mom, dad, and grandpa were there and most of his family came as well.  We were so in-love.  And little did I know that that love would some day save my life.

I became very ill

At 23, right after the birth of our second son, I became very ill.  I lay in bed unable to move, so matt would carry me when I needed him to.  I was in so much pain that there wasn't any room left to feel anything else, not even love.  For months and months I laid in bed unable to do anything by myself.  I wasn't even capable of helping raise our kids.  So Matt worked hard for his family and had to come home, make dinner, take care of the kids and soccer practices, and take care of me.  And then, at the end of the day, he would hold me in his arms until I stopped crying and would fall asleep. 

I kept fighting

The next two years were horrific and spent with various doctors who kept testing me for multiple sclerosis and telling me nothing was medically wrong with me.  I felt like I was losing my mind.  Matt never stopped believing in me though, and encouraged me to keep fighting until someone would listen.  And he made sure I kept fighting, even when I was so tired and so worn down that I felt I couldn't possibly go on.  He made sure I fought up until I got my diagnosis.

My diagnosis