I became angry, upset, and sick. I spent many, many months feeling sorry for myself because I felt I had lost everything. And I could always hear people whispering that it was such a shame because I was so young. Rheumatoid Arthritis knows no age.
I soon realized that it was okay to feel the way I felt. I learned that I had to grieve for the life I thought I was going to have. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Everybody at some point in their lives daydreams or makes plans for their future.
What are you supposed to do when those plans are no longer a possibility for you?
Here’s what you do: grieve.
I went through denial. I didn’t believe, or didn’t want to believe, I was sick. After all, for years the doctors told me I wasn’t sick. They were wrong. I cried because I was so sick and I was in pain constantly. I became angry because I had lost so much. Then, I accepted it. It took so long to get to the point of acceptance, and some days I fall back a couple of steps. But now I am working on healing the emotional damage as well as the physical damage this disease has caused me. I still make plans and day dream, but now I have to plan everything one step at a time.
Yes, I am young. Yes, I have rheumatoid arthritis. Yes, I am living well with this disease… one day at a time.
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