What's left for me?

Hollybgroovin Health Guide
  • What's left for me?


    My rheumatologist once told me that he would not give me anything other than Lortabs for pain relief because his fear was that I would go through pain meds too quickly and that there would be nothing left for me later on in life.  I was upset by this and I was never quite sure what he meant.


    Today I am in pain.  I am in so much pain that I am panicking.  My fingers are swollen and I can barely bend or straighten them.  My feet hurt so bad that I have to strategically place them every time I try to walk so that I don't scream in pain.  I can't dress myself, my shoulders are very painful and I can't raise them over my head, and my knees hurt which makes it difficult to bend them to put on pants.  My rheumatologist says I have RA in every joint that RA can affect.  I even learned that I have RA in my chest bone after a short stay at the hospital for chest pain. 

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    So here I am in so much pain and I am panicing.  Right now I take 60mg of morphine daily with one Lortab every 4 hours for breakthrough pain, and let me tell you the pain has broken through with a vengeance.  So do I suffer in pain until the doctors think it's time to try something different, or do I break down and ask the doctor for help? I wonder how I will make it through the day.  I wonder what it is that will keep me going?


    So what's left for me?

    Hope.  It's all I have left in my life.  I hope that one day I find a medication that works.  I hope that one day my kids get their mom back, and that my husband gets his wife back.  I hope for one day without pain, then maybe two.  And while the pain constantly breaks down my hope, I have to remind myself how important it is to have hope when you have RA.  Hope gives me a reason to live my life with the pain that RA brings.  Hope is my reason for living well with Rheumatoid Arthritis!

Published On: July 03, 2008