Most people have some sort of fear in their lives. Some are afraid of starting over again. Some are afraid of losing the ones they love. And then some are afraid that they won't have enough money to pay bills, or who are afraid of speaking in public.
My fear? My fear is that I will be crippled; that I will be in a wheelchair. And I am on the fast track there.
Why, you ask? Because today is the day I ask the doctor for my prescription for a wheelchair. Today I can't walk. My hips are severely painful, and I can't move my legs. I knew this day was coming and have done what I could to prepare myself. One of my rheumatologists told me that I would be in a wheelchair before my 27th birthday. But I just turned 28 and here I am. I've done better than expected.
I find relief in the fact that using a wheelchair is not a permanent thing for me, just for an "as needed" basis. You might say there is nothing for me to worry about, that there are many more like me out there. But when you turn into one of the "many more out there" your outlook changes.
So today I call the doctor with my head held high (even though I feel like hiding under the covers) and I tell him I am ready. This will be a positive thing for me. I will be more mobile and independent( I keep reminding myself this while I hold back the tears).
My fear for you? That one day you wake up and your life has passed without all those amazing memories. So what should you do? Live your life to the fullest (Yes, cheesy, I know). But you never know what tomorrow holds. Your life can be changed or taken away in an instant. Four years ago, I was happy, healthy (or so I thought), completely crazy and wild person. And then, in a blink of an eye, I am here, stuck on my couch unable to walk by myself.
So take some time for yourself. Do the things you've always wanted to do, live your life, forget regrets. You have no time for those. Remind yourself to smile, laugh out loud, and never take things for granted. When I first got my diagnosis, I lay in bed for months and I lost a lot of time dwelling on the things I couldn't change.
Rheumatoid Arthritis has caused me to rethink my life. I no longer take things for granted. When I can walk, I skip with my 4 year old all the way through Wal-Mart. And when I can laugh without pain, I crack myself up.
No goal is too big. Make life worth it! Nobody and nothing can do that for you!
Published On: March 23, 2008