I can’t in all honesty say that I woke up this morning in severe pain. That would be incorrect. You see, I never went to bed last night. My pain was intolerable and all I could do was panic.
For the most part I do well at handling my pain. I say “handling” because my pain has never fully been under control. I see a wonderful pain management doctor who has put me on Avinza which is a morphine sulfate and Lortabs for the breakthrough pain. For the most part this has been wonderful for the treatment of my pain. It has never ever made the pain go away, but it has helped make it manageable. Then there are times like today when the pain is not manageable, but completely intolerable. These are the times when I panic.
I do different things to try to handle my pain. I take my share of hot baths, relax a lot, and try different things to take my mind off the pain. But when the pain gets too bad for me to handle, I panic. Trying to get out of bed this morning I started to hyperventilate. I mean I went into a full blown panic attack. I tried to make my way down the stairs and began to cry. How could I make it through the day when my pain was so intense and intolerable? My youngest son heard me coming down the stairs and ran to hold my hand. He likes to help me down the stairs in the mornings. I sat downstairs and my mind started to race. How will I ever be able to make it through the day?
Living life with Rheumatoid Arthritis for my boys
My boys keep me going. They are the reason for my happiness, but they are also the reason I have learned to “handle” living with RA. This morning I was determined to not let them see me panic. It scares them, and makes them really worry about me. That is definitely the last thing an 8 and 5 year old should be worrying about. So how do I handle the pain when it is intolerable? I just do. I don’t even have a choice. I have two wonderful sons who depend on me. I don’t have the option to lie in bed and wait out the pain. I believe they have saved my life.
I sit here this morning amongst my mom, and my two sons. I am in the midst of their morning laughter and their support. I no longer have the chance to panic now. I have to control my pain and be strong for my boys. I have to be able to handle this.
The pain this morning was so severe that all I wanted to do was scream and cry. But I have learned that that only intensifies my pain. So I will handle it, and I will live my life today. I have too much to live for to let pain take my life away.
I am stronger than the pain
What do you do when the pain is too much to handle? Do you have a support system? What are your tricks for dealing with the pain or for taking your mind off it? Pain can make you panic. Pain can take your mind to some horrible places if you let it. Pain is the hardest part for me in my fight against rheumatoid arthritis. I have learned though, that I am stronger than the pain. And while on some days I just want to scream and cry, I want to panic, and I want to lie in bed and wish away the pain, that is just not an option for me. Yes my pain is intolerable. Yes, the pain makes me panic. And yes, I am stronger than the pain and I will live life despite rheumatoid arthritis.
Published On: June 20, 2008